by Joan Kuper

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: September 19, 2008

Increase Happiness: Cut Out Complaining

It took me years to really, truly understand how much negativity harms relationships and how much better life is when nagging and complaining are cut to an absolute minimum.

There is good news. No matter how long you have had the habit of nagging and complaining over small issues, you can stop most of it and improve your life. I have been there, done that.

Perhaps you are like I used to be? In theory, I knew negative is not the way to be, positive is better, but I paid little attention to applying that in my life. Selfishly I thought I was standing up for my rights'. I wanted to be noticed and especially I wanted to be appreciated, validated. These were subconscious needs at the time, so I tried to solve my insecurities with complaining and nagging.

I didn't stop to think what the effects were or the negative atmosphere I was creating with my spouse or my friends or co-workers. I also did not think about the possibility that my actions could lower my partner's or others self esteem, and cause feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. A consequence could well be that your partner or others become even less cooperative, due strictly to conscious or subconscious hurt feelings.

Think about it logically

Of course you and others feel better in a positive atmosphere. It is absolutely possible to change how you think about a situation, and how you react. Weigh the importance and decide if it is really, really worth being a nag or complainer?

You have heard the saying 'pick your battles' and it is wise advice! Spend your time trying to work out compromises only on the really important issues. Just let the small stuff go.

Also remember when you are tired, things look worse then they probably are. Before complaining or nagging, you might ask yourself "am I over tired or am I really worried about something else and compensating by taking it out on others"?

The next time

The next time you feel crabby and want to nag and complain, stop. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, 'is this really a battle I want to fight. Is it worth the time and effort'? If it is, see if you can approach it without an emotional confrontation. See is you can have a quiet talk'both alone and with the other person.

It's not always easy to practice the patience of which I am speaking, and never, never just suppress your feelings. You need to really understand by keeping things in perspective and asking yourself "Is this situation I call a problem really important in the bigger scheme of things in my life, or could it be a challenge and an opportunity to practice letting go of the small stuff and thereby help to make my life better? I suggest you start with something small and practice, practice, practice.

Remember, negativity affects every aspect of your life and it is well worth your while to study it, observe it, and control it. Your happiness is in direct proportion to the amount of positive thoughts you have and the amount of negatives you can eliminate. Your happiness is determined by your thoughts. I wish you Health and Happiness!

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