by Rena Sherwood

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: July 01, 2009

The general opinion is that male cats (toms) are friendlier to people than female cats (queens). However, cats view all rules as something made to be broken. Your experience with cats may differ substantially from any other human being on earth. For every feline expert who will insist that males are the friendlier sex, a female cat will be twining about their legs just to make the expert look bad.

Female cats will often become friendlier when they are pregnant, but after the kittens are weaned, they return to their usual aloof selves.

The Tom Cat's Reputation

How did the tom cat get the reputation for being the friendlier sex? Out in feral situations, tom cats often live alone or with a brother (a litter mate). They are used to having to check things out by themselves. They also are usually bigger and more threatening looking than female cats. A tom has the ego to assume that the whole world will be frightened of him if he gets close, so the world will naturally try to get on his good side.

So, when a strange human comes by, it is a tom who is the one that check this out first, as the human would never dare to mess with him. In this way, when we humans look around, we see tom cats looking back at us and hardly any females. And so, they got the reputation for being the friendlier sex.

But, in the meantime, the female cats are all hiding but watching intently, letting the tom cat be the one foolish enough to discover just how safe the strange human is.

When Domesticated

Domestic cats that are taken care of by people often look at their people as surrogate parents - or at least, the ones who do all of the work. Male cats are happier to let go of all responsibilities while female cats often have a more wary side, still keeping up their moves for self-defense much like a martial arts master working out regularly.

Male cats also beg for attention more than female cats, overall. Female cats usually don't have the insecurity that males do. Most female cats don't need the constant cooing and attention that people can provide, because they are already know they are wonderful and don't need anyone else to tell them that.

Domesticated male cats can also bond strongly with animals of another species or with another male cat. They will sleep with paws touching or forelegs about each other's shoulders. They will often panic if separated for more than a few minutes. This is usually not seen with female cats, although it's not impossible.

When A Female Wants To Be Friends

This writer has lived with cats all of her life and have talked to many cat owners in three countries about their feline friends, both male and female. The conclusion of many was that all cats will become your friends over time. Males will approach you first, while females usually observe you for a few years to see what kind of a character you are. When they do finally offer friendship, it means you have proved that you are worthy of living on the same planet as they are.

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