by Elizabeth Rogers

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

Differences are what make a relationship a "relationship". If there was nothing that I had to compromise on with my husband and children, I would be a dictator and likely avoided as much as possible. I love differences. They make my life more interesting and I have far more experiences than I would ever have if I thought we should all do it my way.

It takes a certain amount of flexibility and good humor to allow differences to all become a valid and active part of the family mix, but it can be done. Taking turns is not just for the playground, for one thing. Recognizing that each family member has individual ideas and desires and accommodating to them, family-style, is what managing them is all about. My husband loves, and I mean loves, to sail. I like it. I had never done it before we got married, but I like it. The children all have learned to like it or live with it or at least go along with it from time to time. They get more slack than I do because, well, I am the wife, after all, and they "have a life".

I like to sit in the sun, read, walk and go out to eat, and fortunately, I love the ocean. When we go sailing, we try to do it in the sun; we do it on the ocean; I bring a book, we take walks on islands and we generally go out to eat at some point if we go out for more than a day. This works really well. The children are creative too. Sometimes they come and join in with their own wants and wishes, and sometimes they bid us swift breezes and plenty of sunshine. They bring husbands, children or friends, depending on who each of them it is that decides to come along.

I like, as I mentioned, to go on long walks with our dogs. Sometimes my husband comes for a walk as well, without needing a leash to keep him at my side. We talk and enjoy the woods together. He likes to hike, and this is a little like hiking. All of the children enjoy hiking, so we do that as a family outing.

They all like to eat out as well. Choosing the place to eat can be a challenge, but it has not stopped us from cooperating and getting to have what we each want to eat for dinner more than once or twice. The main thing is that each person needs to be a valid person in the family mix and their voice needs to be taken seriously.

Flexibility and compromise are key ingredients to managing family differences and having times of together at the same time. It simply cannot be all about me. I really don't get to sing, "I did it my way" all of the time. It is as simple as not being selfish, which may be harder than it sounds, but is actually what the family hokey pokey is all about.

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