by Michelle M Bartlett

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

Happily Married to the Opposition

"This union is likely to be a shaky partnership at best" was the result of the compatibility test Dave and I took in the beginning of our relationship. Having known each other for years, neither of us found our initial differences to be cause for alarm.

Instead, we thought they were quite comical. Like the fact that he was raised 15 minutes south of the Canadian border, I was raised 15 minutes north of the Florida line; he comes from a family of boys, my family consists of all girls; he's a morning person, I'm a night owl; he'd rather listen, I prefer to talk; he likes to relax, I'm always on the go; he's passive aggressive, I'm direct and to the point.

As our relationship progressed, our initial comical differences gave way to more serious core ones and neither of us found them to be the least bit funny. As more differences surfaced, they became impossible to ignore and our opposite communication styles made finding a solution seem unattainable at best.

We were on the verge of throwing in the towel when we realized that we had been so focused on our many differences that we had overlooked our similarities. Although few in number, we discovered that we had in common three of the major contributing factors required for a successful relationship. 1) We loved each other. 2) We were both passionately determined to make this relationship work. 3) We acknowledged that it was both our responsibilities to make that happen.

That was almost 6 years ago. Since then we've gotten married and I'm proud to report that we rarely argue. I wish I could tell you that we stumbled upon the secret that has allowed us to go from antagonistic to harmonious effortlessly, but there is no secret. Just a lot of diligence, hard work, and patience; sprinkled generously with compromise.

Diligence, hard work, patience, compromise - Repeat.

When you're married to the opposition, your choices are limited, but well defined. You can either let your differences dissolve your relationship, or you can roll your sleeves up and learn to utilize them for the benefit of both you and your partner.

Once you stop trying to mold your partner into another version of yourself, you'll discover that having someone who can look at the same thing you are but see it from a different angle means that fewer things are missed or overlooked.

Couples who have more similar points of view can look at the same thing but not be able to see a different angle within it.

While compromise plays a

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