by Esther Andrews

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

"Should I stay or should I go? If I go there will be trouble, and if I stay it will be double." If you're reading this article, odds are these popular lyrics by The Clash accurately paint your picture and you secretly already know the answer. It's time to go. You're just struggling internally about whether or not to call the relationship's time of death and when to do it.

You have a gut feeling when you're in a bad relationship. You may be justifying and settling for close enough because it's hard (and scary) to get out there, meet new people, tell your life story (again, sigh), share what you like and hate, your goals and aspirations, to hopefully eventually get to the point that someone "just gets you" and at least for the most part, accepts you.

Some warning signs you may be in a bad relationship? As my hairdresser once told me in reference to her ex-husband, "I just had that cheatin' feelin'." Her instinct was correct; he had been cheating on her. Call it intuition or a sixth sense, but you'll know if something is just "off". It could be a million things, but a few examples:

- You feel excluded from aspects of their life
- You don't fit in with their friends or family
- They rarely compliment you or say those three little words
- You were initially attracted to their charm and wit, but don't feel physically attracted no matter how hard you wish you could, OR, you thought they were smokin' hot when you met them, but now find them self-involved and arrogant

Other signs may be more blatant and abusive. Does your partner seem to make sport of putting you down or embarrassing you? Even more obvious are signs of drug or alcohol addiction, manipulative and controlling behavior, jealousy and accusations, constantly checking up on you, and even physical violence. You may think this could never happen to you, but it can sneak up on you. You may feel "locked in" to the relationship before they let their true colors show, which is all the more reason to listen to your gut feelings about even the littlest things that just seem a little off.

So where is that line between loving someone, faults and all vs. justifying and staying in the relationship because you're afraid to start over? It sounds obvious, but it all comes down to what you're willing to settle for and live with. It's rarely black and white. Grey areas abound. With every relationship, there comes the good and the not-so-good. You need to decide if the good really does outweigh the not-so-good as well as the prospect

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