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Have you ever felt like no one was really listening to you - or at least hearing and understanding you? And at other times have you wondered what other people are babbling on about? At times it feels as though we need a decoding book to decipher what is really meant by what is being said. And this is only the tip of the frustration. Communication mishaps can cause mistakes, arguments, broken relationships and even wars. You'd think with our advanced technology and evolving consciousness we'd be able to communicate more easily and clearly. Perhaps we're just too busy to take the time to listen, or too fearful to speak our truth. Yet communication can overcome obstacles or create them.

Communication is a powerful tool which can bring people closer together or tear them apart. Words can be shared with kindness and care, neutrality and honesty or they can be voiced with an emotional charge, a defensive tone or a hostile attack. And words only play a small part - there is the tone, the speed, the eyes, the body language, and the silence behind the words that all form the process of interrelating.

The key that I've discovered to communicating clearly and cleanly is in looking at my intention. Am I trying to create discord, and if so, why? Am I trying to get something, and if so, what? Do I want to be right and prove them wrong? Or, do I want to understand them without my judgments interfering? Do I want to express how I really feel? And most importantly, am I willing to take responsibility for how I am interpreting and reacting to the other person?

We can use communication to build bridges or build walls - in every moment it's our choice.

Reflect over these questions to gain more insight into your style of communication:

* What is your typical style of communication? Do you listen with an open mind or do your thoughts interpret what you hear? Do you listen to understand or to give advice? Do you react without giving yourself the time to first process or do you own your own triggers?

* What do you value in communication? Is it more important to be nice than honest or can you speak your truth with neutrality? Do you need to be right and have the last word or is mutual understanding your goal? Do you have a desire to continually express yourself and dominate the conversation, or keep your thoughts private and mostly listening or do you like a back and forth flow of conversation?

* When you are upset with someone how do you react? Do you attack, defend, withdraw or ignore? Or do you process, release, let go or work through? What about when you admire someone can you share what you see and compliment them or do you keep it to yourself?

Try these inspiring ideas to find more effective ways of communication:

* Bring your awareness to your style of communication and see if it reflects who you truly are and what you really want to express. If not, then explore within yourself what you are hiding from or fearful of.

* Play with new styles of communication to see what works best for you or just for a new experience. If you are usually reactive, say nothing for a day or to and see how you feel. If you are more withdrawn, purposely express yourself beyond your comfort zone. If being overly nice is your habit, try to speak your truth even if you think it's not what the other person wants to hear.

* If you find yourself building a wall between you and another, check in with yourself to see if this is what you really want. If it is, so be it. If it's not then do what you can to build a bridge instead.

Learn more about this author, Gini Grey.
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