by Marvin Double

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

Having my share of faults, over 37 years of marriage, I've had many opportunities to learn how I react when confronted about those failings which seem so obvious to my spouse.

The relationship my wife and I have is long term, certainly by today's standards. One thing that certain is simply this, how guys react to criticism from a wife or girlfriend can vary depending on the age of the relationship.

A guy's reaction to being confronted about faults will differ if they are just dating someone, vs living together, newly married or married for some time.

There's no shortage of publications expounding on the differences between how men and women think. The very popular book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, explores those differences at length.

We're told now that men's genetic predisposition is to see things in terms of problems and objectives. The theory being this is that men's thinking had been molded over generations as hunters and warriors.

Men are said to be wired to treat a challenge as something to be overcome, conquered or subdued, an attack to be fended off, or a battle to be won.

Don't leave your dirty underwear on the floor, pick up you socks or put down the toilet seat shouldn't be a challenge to battle, but for lots of men, they often are.

When threatened by some criticism, fair or not, we might react with defensive posturing, or perhaps a more grandiose display of ego driven machismo, the human male equivalent to gorilla chest thumping.

Over the years I've certainly learned that I react differently to criticism from other guys than from women in general. Further, I know I react differently and more dramatically when my wife points out my faults than anyone else.

Why?

Guys tend to see each other as being competitors with a certain commonality or "equality". When a guy points out the faults of another guy such comments have a different context than if the comments come from a woman.

The exact same observations about guy's faults, from a member of the female sex, can feel more stinging, have more bite and be more emotionally potent than those coming from another guy.

Men compete for the attention of women. From simple flirtations to serious romantic overtures, it's all about biology and psychology. We want women to like us, love us and even, yes, dare I say it, desire us.

Deep down, when a woman points out the faults of a guy, that criticism registers as a rejection. Nothing deflates a male ego more quickly than having his faults recognized and highlighted

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