by Gary Maclean

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: February 08, 2012

The world is getting smaller everyday and it is getting easier to meet someone, anyone, from anywhere at any time. When meeting and deciding upon that one "very special" person, we need to be prepared for potential major differences in background and points of view. Do not be surprised when you find out that your selection has affected your entire family.

I come from a broken home, a secondary mixed race family and a very poor environment. I met my perfect wife as she emerged from a once together, always together Mom and Dad, only one race, financially comfortable, family; a real life Donna Reed situation. I was very unpopular all through school, due to being poor. My wife was so beautiful during her high school days that she was extremely popular and very sociable.

We are two different people, as are our families; how do we manage to make things work as well as they do? It just happens. There are no set patterns, formulas, or recipes to aid us as we stumble through life. We are going to gain experience only by enduring hardship. The primary requirement is that you love your partner and he/she loves you.

One important thing to remember is that you must never, ever allow any family differences of any kind, to force either one of you to do something with your own family, by yourselves. Regardless of family differences, you must strive for no differences between you and your partner. Whether there are differences or not, you ignore them and treat it as though there are none. Both of you will have to endure experience after experience as you gradually learn about this other family and their approach to life.

There will come the occasion when you must accompany your partner to their family for visits; holidays, birthdays, summer activities, just things. When you do go you must first promise to go together, never alone. Once there the "non-family" member is not to be left alone until he or she, is totally comfortable with it. Don't fall for these guy only cliques or girl only huddles; you are with your spouse, in a foreign land, and you are obligated to be the steward of their comfort.

Family differences will always be there; it's almost impossible to avoid. What you must do to dampen the effect of those differences is to expose your non-family partner to the differences over and over again. Eventually, they will indeed disappear; it will seem as though there are no differences. It won't be entirely automatic, but as time goes on so will the evolution of both your partner and your family. They will learn to have a hot dog roast rather than a standing rib of lamb when your "simpler" husband visits. Your family may eventually realize that they need to buy the top shelf beer when your "other side of the track" partner comes to visit.

It will happen; your partner and your family will eventually see eye to eye. There is no great effort needed to accomplish this metamorphosis. The one primary task ahead of you is to first forsake your family for your partner and next, slowly bring your partner into your family's fold using one experience after the other. Your partner must always be your first priority though; he or she is hopefully there forever, your family will eventually move on.

Learn more about this author, Gary Maclean.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.