Being well organized permits me to accomplish personal and professional goals. My husband, a Type B personality, correlates my regular list of weekly chores to seven days of incarceration. His idea of a weekend getaway is to pack a bag of assorted clothes, jump in the car and then decide where to go. Being a Type A individual, I would prefer to plan the trip a month in advance, have the reservations made, touring tickets prepurchased and bags packed the night before departure.
Should you find yourself or a friend in this situation, do not consider the relationship irreconcilable. My husband and I have both admitted that our personality differences can be challenging. However, having been previously married to a Type A, and also being one, was a struggle. It was a tug of war as to which partner's goal or list should be accomplished first. Whereas, a relationship with opposing personalities do not have two active, well defined schedules to adhere to. Nevertheless, to accommodate the personality differences I believe there are five tactical rules Type A and Type B partners should live by.
Rule number one is to remind yourself and your partner that you are not living alone. If you want things done your way and only your way then why be in a relationship? There are now two brains, each with unique and valuable ideas. Unfortunately this does not imply that the thought process or actions toward accomplishing a goal will occur simultaneously. However, unless the house is on fire or your spouse is having a heart attack, there are very few issues in life that require an immediate response.
Rule number two is to establish a weekly event together, alternating who selects how the time is spent. This is important for a Type A person since he or she will spend every waking moment striving to achieve their personal goals. Furthermore, it accommodates their need to maintain a schedule. Equally as important, the event guarantees a Type B partner time for play and socializing. Once the scheduled time begins there should be no deviation from the event. For example, my husband recently selected watching a football game together as our quality time. Being a Type A, I attempted to include household chores during the commercials. He claimed my actions broke the rule. His explanation was that conversations and even a gentle kiss can be missed in 60 seconds.
Rule number three is the promise to say "I love you" and "thank you." These two phrases are valued differently to opposite personalities. Even though most individuals want to be told that they are loved and cherished, a Type A may forget how meaningful it actually is to a Type B who places acceptance from other people at the top of their list. Conversely, Type Bs may not realize that requesting their partner to stop by the dry cleaners causes a deviation from a Type A's scheduled list of daily goals. A simple "thank you" will acknowledge the divergence.
Rule number four is to admit when you are stressed. Admittedly, these words will resound more from a Type A, yet still very real to them. The advantage of verbally stating this condition to a Type B person is two fold. First, a Type B is supportive, wanting everyone around them to be happy. Second, these words permit a Type B to be the center of attention thus taking action to remain in control.
Rule number five is to balance work and personal time. Before this can be accomplished, the definitions of the two must be clarified. Work to a Type B includes household chores. Personal time to a Type A is when household chores are scheduled. Therefore, to prevent arguments, come to a consensus of what these actually represent. This will help in delegating responsibilities as well as incorporating time for social and extracurricular activities into the relationship.
Whether you are a Type A or B, the rewards of living and loving the opposite far outweigh the challenges. Over time, my Type B husband has taught me how to relax, enjoy life and the pleasures of spontaneity. For him, he has gained a greater sense of satisfaction when completing projects and appreciates other people's time and efforts more than he did before.