by Yorkshiremuggles

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

Chances are, if you are reading this article, and are really looking for the answer to this question, then in your heart you already know what you need to do. If you are in tune with your gut instinct', and you think you should walk away, chances are you are right, and you probably don't even need to read any further.

Okay, so I guess since you're still with me on this, you fall under a heading that has described me pretty well in the past: undecided. This is a scary place to be in any relationship, so let me start by saying I am sorry you find yourself here, and by telling you I know exactly how you feel. Like most people who have lived and loved, I have been in your position. At that time in my life, I would fall asleep at night with my stomach churning with the worry of what to do, and wake up in the morning with that same gut wrenching feeling. One morning, when I felt as though I couldn't take any more, I decided I had to do something to change the situation. Staring out at the rain (well in England what do you expect) I decided to bring a working practice of mine into play. Out came a notepad and pencil, and I began one of the lists that I was then famous for among my colleagues. I decided that any change in status had to be better than the uncertainty I had been living with for weeks. Working through my list over the next couple of days really helped me find a way forward. In sharing the list with you, I hope you can move on a step too.

Stay or Go?

Being very honest with myself, do I really, really, want to work things out? If the answer is no, then to go' may be the only option for long term happiness
What attracted me to him in the beginning, and are those qualities still there?
Write a list of the qualities, and next to each one, note down what would have to change to bring that back to the fore again
Are there any new qualities that I need now in the relationship, and does he know about them?
What positive things have we achieved together, and what negative things have we already overcome?
When I think of the future, imagining as many fine details as possible, is he in it?
If so, is that future happy? What needs to happen to make it happier?
What does he do now that makes me feel happy in myself and in the relationship?
What could he change to improve on this?
Apart form the two of us, who else is important in our relationship (family, kids, friends). They are part of the package; how do I think my relationship with each of them will change in both the stay'

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