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Choosing whether to stay or leave a relationship can be very difficult. First of all, no matter what has gone on during the relationship, it is likely that you still have feelings for your partner.

I am in what I feel is a "bad" relationship. It is not terrible, my partner does not physically hurt me, he goes to work and he pays the rent. This is all good but this is the limit of his involvement with the family. He does what he feels is his duty and then leaves everything else up to me from paying the other bills to taking care of the children.

There are often times when I feel that I am not wanted or when I feel taken for granted. There are always going to be things which bother one partner about the other in a relationship. Nobody is perfect and people are not going to expect to have to change completely to fit in with what their partner wants. There are, however, certain changes which people should make as life goes on.

In my situation, I feel that my partner wants to continue being a bachelor, having the life he wants where he can spend all day at the computer and all night in the pub whenever he feels like it. I have had people say words to the effect of "you chose to be with him". Yes, I chose to be with him, I chose to be with someone who I thought cared about me, who did not even have a computer when we first met and, when he did go out, would almost always include me. I did not, however, choose to be with the person he has turned into i.e. someone who thinks that playing computer games, headphones on and with his back to the family is the same as spending time with us, I did not choose to be with someone who lies about playing on the computer or who thinks that it is acceptable to up and leave whenever he feels like it with no thought for anyone else.

This more or less explains the basic situation and, while I have thought about leaving, as there are children involved, it makes the situation all the more difficult. I have chosen to stay because, for one reason, the only other option would be to move myself and my two children in with another family member so, perhaps my choice is based mainly on practical reasons but I do still want to be with him. The problem now is getting him to realise that he has problems which need to be addressed and dealt with so we can find the person I wanted to be with rather than the person he has turned into.

I think the only thing which would make me change my mind would be if he physically hurt either myself or our children. No one should be forgiven for that but, while he may be emotionally abusive, he would do that whether we live with him or not so it makes little difference as we would still have contact with him due to the children so it is easier to stay than to go.

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