by Robin Ragland

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: February 23, 2011

Should I stay or should I go? This is a serious question, and one that is usually avoided and put off for far too long. Maintaining fairy tale optimism even in the face of glaring proof that the relationship just cannot be saved is something that people do every day. Who wants to be seen as a quitter who doesn't even give the other person a chance?

It's good to work out problems in your relationship and not giving up at the first sign of trouble. There are some situations though where no amount of work will make things better and you need to just cut your losses and move on.

There is a big difference between accepting someone for who they are and allowing them to treat you badly. A funny little quirk or an irritating habit is one thing; making excuses for why you don't really mind him intercepting your phone calls is another. If a behavior makes you feel uncomfortable, nervous, or afraid it is not harmless and you shouldn't just brush it aside and ignore the warning signs.

What are the signs of a bad relationship? One warning sign is being treated with a lack of respect. This could mean anything from calling you names to discounting your opinions and feelings. If someone belittles you or mocks you, in private or in public, they don't respect you. If someone is rough with you; pushes you, screams in your face, pokes you in the chest to make a point, they don't respect you.

Disagreements are a part of every relationship but in a bad relationship they usually escalate into angry tirades where it is always your fault. There is no communication, just an endless list of what you are doing wrong to make the other person so angry. The other person will not admit to any mistakes and they certainly won't apologize for behavior that they see as perfectly acceptable. This is not an issue that can be worked out. The person who behaves this way is never going to see your point or listen to your feelings.

Jealousy is another thing I have found to be unworkable. It doesn't matter what you do to reassure a jealous person, they will still be jealous. As time passes jealousy will usually evolve into controlling behavior where the other person tries to dictate every part of your life. They will try to separate you from friends and family and even activities that they feel threatened by. Before you know it you could be cut off from every source of support.

Another sign of a bad relationship is lying. If your partner knows something will upset you enough that they want to keep it from you, they know it is wrong and they have decided to do it anyway. If you don't have honesty and trust you don't have a good relationship.

A good way to tell if a relationship has any future is to look at the way they treat other members of the opposite sex. Are they rude, demanding, and unreasonable? Do they have a basic disrespect for the opposite sex? This is the way they will treat you after the honeymoon is over. Pay attention. This will be you someday.

When deciding whether to stay in a relationship or to end it, it is important to ask yourself if your needs are being met. We all have the same basic needs but you need to be honest with yourself and evaluate what your individual needs may be. Once you see clearly what your needs are it should be pretty easy to look at the situation and see if yours are being met. Obviously, if you need trust and your partner is very jealous, your need isn't being met. If you need respect and your partner thinks you are stupid, your need isn't being met. Make a list and see what you learn. I'm sure the answer to the question of whether you should call it quits will become obvious.

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