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not an irrelevant stage in a relationship, it does not constitute depth, necessarily. What does constitute depth is all the talk about feelings and thoughts around sex. What are the games? What are the behaviors? How honest is this guy? Is he willing to say that he wants to have sex but is not willing to make any promises about where the sex will lead? If he does make promises, what are the promises? Can he keep them? Should he make those promises? What does the guy say, basically, to have sex with you?

My underlying message in all this: Have an idea of this man's integrity. Have some depth built up. Then you can talk about your future together, if you have one, and do you want to have one all those questions. The wrong thing to do is push commitment because you are scared and you don't know how to express your fears. Your fellow will feel, and not without cause, manipulated.

Now, if he is stringing you along, of course talk about that. And don't let him string you along. You can even tell him from the start what you want. You can say you are looking for a monogamous relationship, possibly marriage, whatever. Or, if that's not what you want, you can talk about that. Talking about what you want and expect can be refreshing. Pushing him to make a decision before you have both gained depth, intimacy, and trust is not.

Learn more about this author, Beau Smith.
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