by Gauri Trivedi

Created on: August 09, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

What happens when your partner nags, whines and criticizes all the time? Well, a number of things happen but of all the consequences, two are mostly like to cause the maximum damage: Irritation and Indifference.

I knew my partner well enough (or so I thought) before he became my husband and so half the things he did were kind of expected. The problem began when he assumed I would not remain what I was. The first few years of our life together all we did was fight on special occasions, be quick on pointing out the significant other's fault and feign ignorance when we hurt each other's sentiments.

I would definitely not underplay my own role in the way our marriage turned out initially a roller coaster ride, with many highs and equally increasing lows. However, it is not possible not to think about what is going wrong and what needs to be corrected when the relationship involved is of paramount importance.

And so I did, gave a lot of thought as to what was damaging my chances of being happy with the person I adored and was madly in love with.

It all came down to the viscous circle of negativity. The circle, created by our words, reactions and actions. We started to use it as a weapon against the other person and got caught in it ourselves. That what is so viscous about the circle of negativity, it starts and ends at you.

Negativity brings about an unpleasantness within the relationship. Without intending to, you end up saying words that upset, run down or discourage your partner. And when that happens, you cannot be far from getting hurt yourself.

The trust level goes down when negativity creeps in. There came a time when I didn't feel like sharing anything new that I did, with my husband, fearing criticism. It was like this, my expectation was to be appreciated, but in my mind I had resigned to the fact that I was going to get none and hence there was no point in sharing. If I could read minds I would have known that my husband would have been incredibly proud and not skeptical, but negativity blinded my vision.

Thankfully we corrected our act before our daughter was born, just in time, because it would have been so unfair to our child. Parents entangled in the chaos of negativity, too indulged in their own differences to see what it is doing to someone they both cherish so much. Children are innocent victims of what negativity does to a relationship.

After a point, it ceases to matter what your partner thinks, feels and says. That is the danger zone for any relationship. Indifference comes after a lost battle. It is as if you have given up on the relationship. Unaware of its existence and progress, indifference takes over the remaining of your emotions, attachment and faith towards that relationship. I can only thank my lucky stars and my husband's undying devotion to what we had. We fought and fought and fought, but could never get indifferent to each other. And that is what saved us.

After nearly a decade of our marriage, I often remember those early years of immaturity, non-understanding and negativity within our relationship. It keeps me grounded and reminds me of what we have overcome with each passing day of being together.

Learn more about this author, Gauri Trivedi.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.