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women. Taylor posits that women, through evolutionary necessity, became the primary caregivers and that this fact has caused us to develop more of a "tend-and-befriend" response to stress. That hormone, oxytocin, again comes into play as it promotes the female behaviors of caring and nurturing babies and children. As for the "befriending" aspect of the equation, Taylor's research (and probably your own as well) suggests that females seek out social support when stressed.

These two responses, "tending and befriending" can, in a perfect world, help prevent us from experiencing the ill effects of stress. Indeed, holding our baby and staring in her little eyes while she coos is a very rewarding and relaxing activity (I'll bet just thinking about it puts a smile on your face.) Equally relaxing is having lunch and laughing with a best friend who is honestly supportive and thinks the world of us. But, what if the source of a woman's stress is her screaming baby, or her defiant teenage daughter? And what if the friend we go to for support brings us down even further by blaming, complaining, admonishing us, or just being generally negative?

Can we women find a way to uncoil the boa constrictor of stress that threatens to choke off our very life? Yes, we can. And we must.

And, while we'd all like to have regular spa vacation retreats (or even a day at the spa) unfortunately, that's not always possible. Also, we want to be able to notice the snake before it wraps itself around our limbsto avert the stress before it has a chance to take hold. Here's how:

1. Breathe deeply to the count of ten. Yes, your mother, father or teacher may have told you, years ago, to count to ten before you speak. They were partially right. But you don't want to just count to ten fuming with the anger and frustration that caused the reaction in the first place. The key is to take slow, deep breathes. Breathe into your belly, allowing it to expand as it fills up with air for the first 5 counts, then breathe all the air out completely from count 5 to 10. Repeat in your mind the word, Peace, or any other word that evokes a calm feeling within you. Repeat as needed.

2. Humor. The other day, I was so mad at my daughter I just wanted to strangle her. Of course, that wasn't going to happen, so I got directly in her face and crossed my eyes and made a silly face. She erupted with laugher, and in a moment, so did I. The tension broke and suddenly the issue didn't seem so important anymore.

Thank God for humor.

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