by Rachel S.

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Mental Illness and Our Children's Scars- How Do We Break the Cycle?

Mental illness is something that should be of serious concern to America. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, an estimated 6 percent of American suffer from a serious mental condition. That equates to 1 out of 17 people. If you don't suffer from mental illness then I'm willing to bet that you know someone who does.

My mother was diagnosed with a mental disorder when I was a small child. I grew up in a house where my mother frequently forgot who I was. She talked with different voices and called herself by different names. Don't get me wrong. I love my mother. I'm fiercely protective of her around people who don't understand what she is dealing with and going through. However, as an adult now, I find myself reflecting on what was and how it has affected what is. I can see it in the actions and lifestyle choices of my siblings. We all have our own "issues" that we took away from the experience.

My step son was abused by his biological mother. He was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder at the age of 3. Her mental issues and her actions stemming from those left him with his own scars. The side effects of mental illness doesn't just live in that one person. It spreads to those surrounding them. This disease is spreading to our children. Not just in genetics but in imprinting our "issues" on them as well.

Its just recently as I have begun to integrate into my husband's family that I truly understand the impact this had on me as a child. I see it in the self esteem, anxiety, and depression issues that I have. I also see how foreign it is to those who have never had to deal with mental illness. My husband just doesn't know how to create a relationship with his mother in law.

These are just some of the side effects (examples) that I've noticed in my particular family that are a result of growing up with someone afflicted by a serious mental illness.

Anxiety Disorders - Fear of social situations, fear of failure, inability to deal with everyday life stresses without medication
Anger Management Problems - The inability to control your temper with your own children. This is a particularly sad because it will scar their children as well.
Low Self Esteem - it can be easy to think well if my own mother can forget about me, I must be pretty forgettable.
Trust Issues -Its hard to form a healthy relationship when you can't trust others.
Depression -Inability to deal with life without medication.
Social immaturity - Learning social skills from someone whose mental illness prevents them from being sociable.
Unhealthy relationships -abusive relationships and scary situations.
Co-Dependency - The inability to function on one's own. Depending too much on someone else.
Drug Addiction - Drug addiction hurts everyone involved. Painkiller addiction is just as scary as other drug addictions. Especially when you come by the drugs legally in the first place.
Promiscuity -STDs or unplanned pregnancy. Having a child when you aren't mentally or financially prepared.

Now I consider myself lucky. I have a wonderful husband and child. I have a good relationship with my in-laws and am starting to understand how "normal" people interact amongst each other. I find myself having to take a mental and emotional step sideways whenever I have to deal with my own family.

This has lead me to ask what effect is our mental illness having on our children? How can we shield our children to give them what they need to become fully functioning adults? I don't have the answer. I sure hope you do. My son does as well.

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