It's no secret men and women communicate differently. I don't need a book or psychologist to tell me that. All I have to do is think about the last conversation I had with my friend Len and the one I had with my girlfriend. The conversations were worlds apart. Men like it short and sweet. Women on the other hand seem to have to analize everything to death, slice and dice it to shreds.
I agree some conversations merit more attention than others and in some instances clarification of details is necessary to ensure the anticipated outcome. I don't agree however that I'm not in touch or tune with my feelings simply because I want to keep conversation short and clear. The more you add to conversation the more likely you are to get it wrong in the first place.
Women want to talk about their relationships constantly. They need reassurance as to where it is and where it is going. That's their issue to deal with. They don't understand men don't need that same reassurance. Men know how to let things be as they are. I truly believe men are more accepting of relationships than women are.
As often as you hear how men are quick to want to move the relationship ahead in the beginning (to the sex part) women are as quick to want to move relationships ahead past that point and into permanency. Clearly men and women choose different parts of a relationship as their delicacy of choice.
In all fairness to women some men are slow to get on the bandwagon when it comes time to commit. There are plenty of people out their with commitment issues. I will agree that sometimes a push or cattle prod will be necessary to get your man to move forward and to "discuss" the future.
When negotiations, I mean discussions, become necessary a man might want to first talk to his mother or any other female in general. Women are convinced they have cornered the market on relationship intricacies. Perhaps, I don't know. I do know that when a serious "discussion" is coming my way I try to prepare for it. I know what I like and what I don't. I just have to find how to express this to my girl in a way she'll accept rather than by expressing it in my own simple way.
For example I don't like the idea of Susan moving in right now. I've been informed it's time our relationship moved to the "next level". I have never measured my relationships in levels but rather go with what feels right. I like that instinct.
I swear girls play house right out of the birth canal. I'm certain my sister had a GI Joe in her clenched fist upon arriving into this world. Her tears weren't from the trauma of birth or the doctor's practiced slap. GI Joe had said "Your not moving in. I don't care if your mother kicked you out." No, my sister was using her female wiles in full form.
When women see things aren't going according to plan they cry, scream, or turn blue until GI Joe loses his head. Everyone thought it was the brother popping heads off sister's dolls. Think again.
Don't get me wrong Susan is a great girl. We"ve been dating for five months. Overall things are good. We've had minor fights but nothing serious. There is nothing wrong with her and I'm not looking elsewhere. I still don't want to live together now.
I'm twenty-four and still navigating my future. I'm not ready to be responsible for two lives. I still like to go out with my buddies to drink and play pool. I play hockey regularly and golf whenever I can. It sounds selfish but I like the way things are. My best buddy married a year ago. He no longer plays on our hockey team and I've played golf with him once since. Until I'm ready to sacrifice more of my time I don't think it's fair to either Susan or myself to commit to living together. I'm not even sure if I believe in living together. When I'm ready maybe I'll just propose and get married.
Within the first weeks of our dating Susan cleaned my apartment. Now she cleans it constantly. I won't lie, I love it. I know I should do it myself but.... Admitedly it looks better when she does it. She regularly cooks dinner and I love that too. She's the reason I keep groceries in my fridge.
This might seem cruel after all her efforts but I never asked her to do these things. I like and appreciate it but once again I reaffirm I didn't ask her to. I show my appreciation by taking her out and fixing her car. I feel confident our relationship is one of give and take.
Yesterday Susan and I argued over moving in together. Susan wants more time together and with my busy schedule the only way she sees this is by moving in. When my resistance didn't falter the cooking and cleaning thing was thrown in my face. I made it clear I am not dating her for her cooking/cleaning abilities, nice as they are. I date her because I like her and enjoy her company. If she didn't cook or clean I might be slimmer and more rumpled but I would still date her. She's fun with a great sense of humor.
I wish she would respect my feelings on this. "Let me ask you to move in" I said. Men are men no matter what. We like to do the asking. We know when we're ready and a man's schedule never meshes with a woman's.
When it comes to the future I want to have a say and not just about living together. I want to agree on when the first baby comes and what neighbourhood to live in. She can choose colors for the house if I decide what breed of dog to have (no cats ever). One more thing, if we have to have a station wagon or a minivan at least let me pick the color.