by Karon Brandt

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

With a B.A. in psychology, the wisdom that comes with age, plus experiencing two marriages over 40 years, I think I have gained some knowledge of men.

The old biblical saying is that women should "honor" their husbands and husbands should "love" their wives. I think, "to honor" means "to respect." That could be an important, age-old difference between the sexes. Men NEED respect while women NEED to feel loved.

Traditionally, men gain much of their ego fulfillment from their jobs and career choices, and they want to be respected for that, whereas women seem to blossom when cherished by their men.

Modern-age males and female roles have expanded to allow more of a crossover: men can show more of their nurturing sides with their children; women may show their more aggressive sides in the workplace.

The Golden Rule applies. Men want to feel valued; they want to feel that their efforts for their wives and families are worthwhile; they want some time alone; they want some time with fellow men. Women want the same things, including girl-time.

As we grow into our role expectations, we still allow for individuality. In fact, some families reverse traditional roles so the man plays "Mr. Mom" while the woman "brings home the bacon."

"Know thyself" and "To thine own self be true" are bits of wisdom. I think this is what we try to accomplish in life. We must figure out who we are, and then find a partner that complements that Self to allow for personal fulfillment.

Although there is a bit of blurring between roles, in the new paradigm, I think people can more easily find a match when they know who they are and what they want. Then the search begins in earnest; proper vibes are sent out and the result can be self-fulfilling.

In my first marriage, I did not know who I was or what I wanted. Sound familiar? Maybe that's why so many marriages fail. We were both academics, but I put him first to attain his advanced degrees, and delayed starting a family while he progressed in academia.

Our culture highly encourages women to default to men, since they are usually the breadwinners. The man's financial goals seem to hold utmost importance in creating family stability and permanence, and the woman often defers to the man. But, once you've become "unequal" in self-fulfillment, once one partner becomes a secondary figure, the marriage is out of balance.

I decided I wanted a family while I was biologically in my prime, and I gave up on completing an advanced college degree. I realized that I wanted

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