by Effie Moore Salem

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: September 15, 2010

Children have short interest spans but long memories. When they do something good, they should know that it is good immediately after it has been done. Then they will remember the good feeling of being praised and will repeat the action to bring on more praise. Rewarding small children in early childhood  is how they learn. If they do something and mom says no, and she shows that she is not pleased, they will quit doing it. Oh, they test again several times but after repeatedly getting a negative response from her, they will finally get the message that mom does not approve. Not for a while anyway, but they may pick up that detested action again if it comes natural to them. Again the no from the one in command will eventually cause them to give up the bad action. They will have learned it is not good to kick the dog, bite your sister, or hit your mother.

A positive action can be reinforced in the same way. When a two year old picks up a toy and puts it in the toy box, he is to be rewarded with a hearty approval by mom or dad or whomever is caring for him. When he puts on his shirt all by himself he is to be rewarded with a cheer and a smile from mom; even if he gets it on backward. After a minute or two when he is doing something else and has forgotten you can switch the shirt and say, " I am so proud of you but this is the way it goes on".

If he is really young and not going to day care, just let him wear it backward. The next time you can show him how to get it on right. These little efforts are so meaningful to the little tykes trying to learn. He likes making mom smile and he loves the attention his good actions brings. If he fails to get the approval the second or third time he does the action he may decide it is not worth the effort.

Humans of every age likes approval and had more of the trouble makers had more childhood approval, possibly less of them would be serving time in prisons today. That's a statement not meant to be considered anything other than a possibility that could have happened. There's far more reasons for crime than lack of approval in childhood, but affection and love and self-esteem goes a long way.

Children are born with potentials that they must work hard to bring out. Some of these such as trying to stand and pull up and to walk and to talk is hard work. Yet these little tykes will fall down and get right back up and try again. This behavior is built in as they grow. If the urge to push their limits was not inborn, they's still be unable to tie their shoes at age ten. Learning is made easier when approving adults are there cheering them on. Rewards are to be emotional rewards rather than treats because this association with food is not something that should be used for the very young. For older children it is used as a reward for cleaning his room or as a special treat but should never be expected. This also goes for money.

I believe that doing a good job when it concerns something that benefit's the child merit's a verbal reward as opposed to food treat. Home work, as an example for the older child. Who is it benefiting? Is it for his brother or his sister, or his parents? No, learning and making good grades are for the child himself and there need not be pay or any other reward other than approval and understanding and a pat on the back and maybe a kiss from mom.

Don't we all need to know that what we do is appreciated? See how hard some youth work to perfect their skills so they can hear that applause and words, good job. If carried to the ultimate, some of the more industrious applause seekers even win medals.

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