by Amy Lowe

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

For better or worse...that is what my husband and I vowed nearly 14 years ago. For the first 9 years our marriage was definitely "for the better". Unfortunately, a few years ago it took a turn for the worse.

After 4 years of dealing with a mystery illness, I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder and our lives were turned upside down. My illness would cause me to become violently ill for several days when in contact with certain food and environmental allergens, interfering with my life and my daily duties.

The past few years have been a roller coaster of emotions for us. On top of the feelings of guilt and anger, I have been trying to learn how to live with such a life-changing illness. During this entire process, I knew the one person I could count on was my husband. We've had our rough times, just like any other couple, and the following are some of the ways that are helping us get through this:

- Lending support Whether it means accompanying me to yet another medical appointment or writing me positive emails throughout the day, I would not be able to handle any of the emotional, mental or physical strain of this illness without my husband's support. He willingly comes to appointments with his list of questions to discuss with the doctors and is always researching new treatment options. He is my biggest supporter and is there with me so I don't have to deal with this alone.

- Physical touch There's nothing that can replace human touch. Whether an embrace or a massage, it can make me feel like all my problems melt away.

- Helping around the house - A stay at home mom, my roles around the house included regular household chores like doing the dishes, cleaning, making dinners and so on, along with schooling our one child. I never minded these daily duties, I simply thought of them as my contribution to our household. All that changed when I was too sick to get out of bed. My husband generously took over the dusting and other general cleaning duties. It has been such a relief to know that I don't have to do things around that house that I no longer have the energy for.

- Lower your expectations I am the poster child for a Type A personality I always strive for perfection in everything I do. Through this illness I've learned to relax and not let things bother me as much as they once did. In a few years am I really going to care that my windows were cleaned every week? This approach has taken some effort on my part, but it really taught me to cherish what is most important to me and re-evaluate my priorities.

- Time with one another While not a typical "date night", we do have quiet time alone at least a few nights a week. We chat about our daughter, my husband's job and what made us laugh that day. Even a simple activity like watching a DVD together makes us feel renewed and united.

- Laughter It can be so difficult to think of a reason to laugh when you're dealing with an illness. Fortunately I have a husband who, no matter how sad, angry or depressed I am, can make a funny comment and get me to crack a smile. It's a clichd saying, but laughter is really the best medicine. It's helped me when I didn't have hope and reassured me that there are still reasons to smile.

Dealing with an illness is a challenge for any marriage and while I am certainly not happy to have this illness (and would prefer to live a life without it), I am so thankful for the closeness my husband and I have gained because of it. His support, his words of comfort and his actions all help me to get from one day to the next and give me hope that we can return to the "better" part of our marriage vows.

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