by Ethel Smith

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

Well, having been married to the same guy for almost 36 years I guess I should be able to understand my man by now. Oh, if only this were true. Although in some ways I probably know him all too well! I suppose the saying that 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus' still has more than a ring of truth to it. However, I think that both I and my Husband have learned a fair bit over the years about what makes each of us tick, and some of this applies in general to understanding the opposite sex.

Of course you really cannot generalise about either sex, as there will always be the exception to the rule. However I think that understanding men, partially means realising that they too have insecurities and circumstances that may make them feel threatened or vulnerable. So, just like us girls, men need reassurances, respect, love, fair treatment and to be treat as a human being.

Some women place unattainable expectations on their men which may make them constantly feel like failures. This may be in their work, parenting skills or sex life, for example. Yes, it is good to have a goal to strive for but, if your boyfriend is a street cleaner say, the odds are that he will never be President of your country. Instead of setting him up to fail try to encourage and nurture him to succeed in his own way. Do this right and you can watch him grow, thrive and be happy. After all you fell in love with him as he was, didn't you?

Understanding men, whether they are colleagues, partners, friends or relatives needs a little time. Some men are still very obsessed with playing the macho hero whilst others maybe more focused on their looks and physique. There are plenty of new men around who seem to be in touch with their feminine side but after all men and women are two separate sexes. The thing to remember though is that men and women are not two different species, even if it occasionally feels like that. Some manly traits have been instilled in them from such an early age that they can place a heavy burden on a guy.

To understand your man, or men in general, you will need to know the person and assess their personality, hopes and fears. In general men do not respond to shouting and demanding females, especially ones that nag. It is better to try the more subtle art of gentle persuasion or even just common courtesy.

Men are often competitive, especially with each other, and some still like to play the hunter gatherer for their woman. Allowing your man a few little wins now and then can go a long way. Try a little mutual respect and two way equality, talk to each other and, above all, listen and learn. In a long term relationship these are the most important ways that you can treat each other and learn to understand each of your strengths and weaknesses.

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