by Stephen H

Created on: January 07, 2007   Last Updated: December 07, 2008

It's hard to know what to do when you realise that your brother's girlfriend is no good for him. I have a great older brother; he's always looking out for me. I can rely on his good advice when I need it and he takes care to make sure that I am alright. He is a gentle and caring man who usually shows good judgement. Except when it comes to his girlfriend. She is manipulative, making sure she gets what she wants, whatever the cost to him.

For example, and this is one of many, my brother is all set to go to University next year, but now I'm not so sure it's going to happen. It isn't that she has told him not to go, on the contrary, she has insisted he go. So where's the problem? I'll tell you. She puts on a very brave face when she insists he goes and tells him he shouldn't worry about her, she'll be fine and they can see each other at holidays. She'll allow just the slightest hint of a tear which she will make sure he sees before pretending to hide it from him. The worst kind of emotional blackmail, because the truth of it is that she is jealous of his ability and instead of wanting him to do well, she wants to hold him back.

The relationship between my brother and my parents has deteriorated considerably over the past few months. Most of the cross words come back to the girlfriend. She has either played the victim, which has meant my brother felt it necessary to rise up and defend her, or she has orchestrated arguments with my parents to come between them. It is all so obvious and silly from the outside, but my brother has been taken in by it and now it is impossible to talk sensibly with him about her. I worry that if I try, it'll push him even further away.

I sometimes daydream about how I might intervene and save my brother from this terrible woman. I thought about telling one of his ex-girlfriends, who he still carries a bit of a torch for, that he really wants to get back together but is too shy to make the first move. I'm sure she would respond, but if it all came out it would just make things a lot worse. If I was to do anything to push her out of our lives, it would need to be something that could not be traced back. Even if I could think of a good way of doing that, I'm not sure it would be right. My brother needs to make his own decisions and I shouldn't interfere in his life like that. So, I simply tell him my concerns as gently and diplomatically as I can and hope he sees through her real soon. It'll be my turn to pick him up and help him go forward. It is only a matter of time.

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