by Elaine Sihera

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

This is always a difficult question because we all have individual thresholds for accepting pain and discomfort. However, many people put up with such unhappiness simply because of fear of the consequences of leaving and the sheer convenience of staying put. A relationship is supposed to make us feel better, to enhance us and to improve the quality of our life through sharing it in a loving way. If a partnership is not doing any of those things, it would be time to call a halt to it.

There are three key signs of a failing relationship.

First is a marked lack of respect. Once respect goes between a couple, most things of value go with it too. The two people are likely to take each other for granted, to stop listening to each another, to blame each other continuously, to find fault relentlessly and to stop trying to please one another. In effect, there are two single people doing as they please without any real care for each other, but as it might suit at least one party's purpose to continue with the status quo, such a situation often drags on for years without getting any better. In my own marriage, this lack of respect was very obvious in our continued bitter rows, nasty name calling and nit-picking each other's actions and putting up with behaviour we would not have accepted in the early years of the relationship. Gradually, it degenerated into emotional and physical abuse. That was the time I realised I had to leave that situation to save my life and sanity.

The second main sign is a build up of resentment and frustration. This resentment shows itself in a lack of affection, hardly any sex between the parties and a constant air of tension and unhappiness in the home. Everything becomes superficial as more and more unfulfilled or abusive actions add to the developing frustration. However, the couple tend to mask this growing unhappiness under superficial reactions, often with a detached kind of neglect and a tit-for-tat survival strategy. Resentment and frustration come through unfulfilled expectations. If people are living with incompatible partners, that's when the expectations take on a life of their own by being the source of resentment as parties do not live up to what is expected of them. It is difficult to communicate with someone, to love them or be affectionate towards them when we feel resentful, especially when they are not fulfilling what we desire and we believe they do not care about us. The most difficult thing I found in my relationship was talking

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