by Elaine Thigpen

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: May 24, 2010

My family consists of “North vs. South”, because I am from New York and my boyfriend is from Georgia.  We met shortly after I moved to Georgia.  We eventually lived together for a couple of years there, and later we all moved to New York.  There are a lot that we differ on, but there are a couple that really stands out: meals and child rearing.

His meals would consist of a minimum of two different types of meats, potatoes, pasta, and two vegetables.  There are certain foods he prefers to cook in grease over baked.   For me, that was excessively much grease to consume when you are dieting.  My meals were quick and simple consisting one of the following: a meat, a vegetable, a potato or pasta, and not greasy.  I would not cook a meal if it took longer than 30 minutes during the week.  Cooking his kind of big meal was time consuming and included a lot of leftovers that would go to waste, if not eaten. How we managed this was: 1) I would cook more variety of foods that require longer than 30 minutes; 2) every so often we will have greasy, deep fried foods - like French fries; and 3) modify portion sizes.

When it comes to raising children, this is where we have the most disagreements. Our work schedule would always allow one of us to stay home with the kids.  He sits in front of the television all day instead of trying to spend time with the kids. While I am off at work the children are watching television from the time they get up till the time I get home.  I do enjoy watching TV once in awhile as a treat for family time.  My children are currently in Kindergarten and 5th grade.  I have always made time to work with them on writing, math, and reading. He requires to have a “honey to do” list in order to do anything with the children. 

Every person in a family has a role to maintain.  Sometimes we overstep our role into another person’s role.  My boyfriend is step-dad to my children, so when it comes time to discipline for misbehavior he would take that role to the extreme.  His idea of punishment is to last indefinite which caused lots of problems with everyone.  My child would have the worst attitude and always misbehave.  We managed by defining our roles and gone to counseling.  Sometimes there were reminders of who had what role.  After six years, our relationship towards each other has improved.

Yes, we have lots more that we differ on, but what would you expect from north and south.  People say that north and south do not mix, and will not last.  Although we are so much the opposite that his strengths are my weakness and my strengths are his weaknesses.  In our situation with that combination we have become whole.  With that in mind, we are doing whatever it takes to make it work. 

We will always have those differences just because of the environment we were raised.  I find that learning to compromise is a big part of getting along especially when you have two different parenting styles.  Another important element in managing family differences is communication.

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