by Perry McCarney

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: November 22, 2009

I'm sorry ladies, but from the perspective of a man who has always considered himself to be a decent man, and had that attitude supported by the responses of both men and women throughout my life, the reality is you are not looking. What women say they want in a man and what they go after is two different things.

Finding a "good" man is a matter of perspective. A woman needs to not only consider her logical requirements in defining what that means to her, but recognize her emotional and genetic imperatives as well. Many men who are gentle, generous and caring find an abundance of women wanting to be their friends but very few desiring them as lovers. At least until the later stages of life when women have suffered through sufficient relationships with the "bad boys" to finally appreciate a decent guy.

Inevitably this means that most of the children women bare are those of arrogant, obnoxious and/or controlling men, often domineering and sometimes violent. This quite naturally just continues the situation, the boy children of such men being genetically inclined to become the same sort of adult male.

Decent men are often, if not always, frustrated by the fact that so many women talk about wanting a decent or "good" man but rarely seem able to apply that intellectual attitude to their emotional selection. From an evolutionary basis it is understandable. The strong, aggressive, warrior type male was best able to protect and provide for his woman and children, so that is the type she is genetically wired to go for. In modern society the outlets for their tendencies towards violence are curtailed; hunting and warfare are minimal activities for the modern man. The frustration and constraint felt by those most attractive to women often has nowhere to go but towards their families, resulting in the appalling levels of domestic violence occurring in modern societies.

It is possible for women to find good men, even in bars, although we'll be there drowning our sorrows rather than chatting up everything in a skirt we see. Perhaps that is the best way for you to differentiate. If a decent man actually gets up the nerve to accept rejection and approaches you, they will almost certainly be hesitant in their approach. The confident, devil-may-care man offering you a line probably just sees you as a potential conquest, to be won and then discarded. If you want a one night stand, take the second, if your are looking for a stable, dependable relationship, at least consider the first.

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