by Rachelle de Bretagne

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

"Until death do us part" are words we say when we take on the responsibility of marriage. It goes with the territory that no matter what happens to either of the parties involved in a marriage, the other partner is expected to be there to help and sustain the relationship through good times and bad. How realistic this is could be questioned though it is plausible and even possible to support a loved one during times you had not anticipated by caring enough to find out what you can do to make their lives more comfortable.

Having a husband diagnosed with Hepatitis C wasn't in the agenda when we married. With the media spouting out the dangers of anything remotely attached to HIV, it was a frightening discovery and one that astonished both of us. The shock factor is the initial hurdle, and although sorely tempted to segregate those personal items used by him from those used by others, taking the precaution of being informed was a wiser way forward.

Talking with specialists and determining what the illness meant to us as a couple was the route that took us to acceptance. The areas of danger were isolated and certainly not as extensive as we had first thought. Personal items such as razors, toothbrushes, etc., were the only limitations of segregation and increasing our knowledge of the illness together meant that we were taking the journey as a couple, rather than that of a patient and nurse. There is a vast difference, and when a couple learn that difference, looking after someone with a crippling illness becomes easier.

Pain management is one of the most vital things to understand and we talked to a pain management consultant together. This lightened the load, and helped me to understand both my husband's medical needs and his own weaknesses and fears. Much of the time, pain is exaggerated by fear. Take the element of fear out of the picture, and the pain management becomes easier. By talking, we found a balance. Some days, for example, he could not function, though instead of seeing him as a cripple, I took the stance of being his support and we found ways to make it a two way street.

What many carers do not realize is the element of uselessness that people with crippling disease feel. Not being useful makes it very hard to accept illness. My husband was still useful and on days when he was well enough, I made it clear that I needed his support as much as he needed mine, depending a little more upon him for those elements of the relationship in which he had always

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