by Perry McCarney

Created on: August 08, 2008   Last Updated: June 02, 2011

Never confront your man about his faults within a few hours of sexual intimacy. No matter how you phrase it or what you say, most of us will presume that what you are really talking about is our recent sexual performance, no matter what fault you are actually raising. And those that don't are probably too arrogant and egotistical to be worth bothering maintaining a relationship with anyway. Even if this is the area of the "fault", bringing it up at this time will only generate a defensive attitude that will provide no beneficial results, being seen as a direct attack on our manhood. And men really don't want to discuss anything much at all after sex, let alone negative relationship issues.

Timing and mutuality are the keys to confronting a man about his faults, in whatever area they may be. You need to find the appropriate time, which admittedly can be difficult, and you need to discuss it in a give and take manner. Discussing not only his faults but your own in the relationship as well, even if you don't believe you have any. Including positives from both sides at the same time is the best way to stop the discussion spiraling down into argument, then simple name-calling that just results in anger.

Men in general don't converse as much as women. This is logical if you consider the earliest human societies; the hunter-gatherer tribal groups of prehistory that existed for 100 to 150 thousand years prior to the formation of agricultural communities. These communities had predominantly sex-orientated tasks. Men needed to be silent while stalking game, communicating more by gesture, posture and facial expression. Women were able to converse freely while gathering plant materials for food, medicine and manufacturing useful goods. Older men taught younger men to knap flints and make weapons predominantly by demonstration, while older women taught younger child-rearing, cooking, plaiting, etc. through verbally supplemented demonstration.

So verbal communication is more natural to women than it is to men. If a man is annoyed about something his partner has done, he is far more likely to demonstrate this through an action rather than a verbal communication. Going out and getting drunk with the boys being a classic. If your man is doing this with greater frequency and this is an issue you want to raise with him, before you do so, give some thought to whether it is increasing because of something you are doing. By all means raise it with him, but you need to accept that the

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