by Toni McKilligan

Created on: August 07, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

I love men! I find them absolutely fascinating. They are weird and wonderful. They are a mystery, not unlike the true origin and purpose of the pyramids.

After nearly thirty collective years in relationships with them, I have to admit that I still have not completely figured them out. Having spent a good deal of time observing my husband and his friends over the years, I have, however, come to some conclusions that seem to make living with them a whole lot easier.

I realized that men have a unique way of prioritizing things that, on the surface, seems rather random and not well thought out. The fact is that men know exactly what they are doing. They know what needs to be done and they know that they are expected to do it. They just prefer to have it spelled out for them. Lists work well. I post a large-print list where it cannot be missed. This is far more effective than nagging, which is a waste of my time and energy. Seeing the list, it makes my husband feel like he has a choice. He can do the list in any order he wishes. Nagging on the other hand, only leads to poor work done with little enthusiasm and a lot of grumbling.

When my husband appears to be ignoring a particular task, it is not that he doesn't want to do it. Either he isn't sure how to go about doing it and doesn't want to admit it, or he has been distracted by something more appealing to do. The simplest way I have found to get the task back to the top of his priority list is to get out a bunch of tools and stuff. Then, just before he is expected through the door, I start fiddling with them in some inept way. When he asks what I am doing, I confidently inform him that I am doing the job he hasn't been doing. He is never particularly thrilled with me using his power tools and he is usually a little concerned with my safety. He always sees it as an opportunity to be a hero and will "show me how it's done." I come up with some excuse to leave as soon as I know he's properly involved with the project. Later, I reward him with some home-made delicacy. Brownies usually go over well.

Like most men, my husband has his toys. Some men have mistresses, others have cars and boats and things that go rev in the night. I asked my husband once why he was so into fixing things. He said that mechanical things don`t talk back. He can do whatever he wants with them whenever he wants to do it and they never complain. Point taken! On the flip side, if I really want him to do something, all I have to do is ask`, nicely, of course. Ninety-nine percent of the time, he is more than willing to put down the wrenches and suffer through a chick flick, because he truly does want me to be happy.

It has been my experience that men just want to be men. Their enigmatic aversion to romance is not due to ignorance or selfishness at all. They are guys and guys do guy things. Just like girls do girl things. They don`t get toe-nail polish and $100 foil jobs any more than we get setting up carburetors or speaking in sound effects. Understanding them is probably impossible. Accepting them, and knowing how to manipulate them lovingly, is about as close as we can ever hope to come.

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