by Joyce Beckman

Created on: August 07, 2008   Last Updated: August 28, 2008

"Till death do us part, in sickness and in health . . . " Whether you took these vows in marriage or whether you are in a committed monogamous relationship, you must take these promises to heart. If you have a strong relationship and consider yourselves an iron-clad couple, then you have a duty to honor each other under all circumstances. No one said it would always be easy.

We recognize the hardships of physical illness. The same is not true when it comes to mental illness. With physical sickness men and women are expected to equally stand by each other, but with mental illness we expect the man to stand by the woman regardless. This cannot be said when the man suffers from a mental disease. It is shameful that society is much more accepting if the woman leaves the man when he can no longer provide income, assuming it is from mental illness.

Our story follows. I have supported and helped my husband through his illness, which is ongoing and lifelong.

We married in 1988, and my husband was employed. We relocated. He worked in a hospital setting until summer of 1993. His job was very stressful. His mental illness had not yet been diagnosed. His rough upbringing and military experience contributed to his condition. He served in an era when some of his "fellow soldiers" openly injected heroin and used other illegal drugs. Many of these recruits were in the Army because the judges in their criminal cases gave them the option of serving their country or spending time behind bars. Who would want to be in a foxhole with this type of "soldier?" My husband served 3 years in the Army after graduating high school. He was not adjudicated to do so. He was honorably discharged. Meanwhile, his illness continued to build.

When we exchanged vows before God neither of us knew he was mentally ill. The trips to the emergency room became more frequent due to severe panic attacks; each time he was convinced he was going to die. It always took a physician to convince him that his heart was fine. Still, the diagnosis of panic/anxiety disease did not come until 1993.

Mental illness is often not manifested in physical appearance. Nevertheless, it is emotionally crippling. He finally was awarded Social Security Disability after fighting for it for 6 years.

Throughout this time, friends urged me to leave him. I never understood this because there was no physical or mental abuse going on. He needed me for financial support and emotional support. I loved him and still do. Our living standard

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>