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Having to choose a side on this debate is a little tricky, because the question itself raises the issue of nature versus nurture in human development and behavior. Also, you have to consider the definition of "responsible." Parents are definitely not legally responsible for how their adult children behave and they don't have a great deal of control over making them act a certain way. So, in many ways parents are not responsible or how their children act as adults. On the other hand, the influence and control parents exert in the formative years is a major determining factor in how a child develops and behaves later in life, so parents are responsible in that sense.

Setting legal responsibility aside and taking into consideration that parents can no longer force an adult child to behave in a certain way, we have to examine the early responsibility and how well it was handled. Parents are, after all, responsible for teaching their children right from wrong and influencing the moral and ethical standards that will guide them through life as adults. It stands to reason, therefore, that if they have done their job properly, their adult children will act the way they were taught to act by their parents.

This argument fails to take other important factors into consideration, however, and lays a little bit too much of the responsibility on parents. With even the best of parenting, older children become exposed to other outside influences. After the child reaches a certain age, these competing influences become as strong if not stronger than those of the parents. There are also specific issues such as mental illness or behavior disorders that are well outside of parental control.

As evidenced by all the different elements that act together to determine a person's behavior, the question of whether or not parents are responsible for how their children act as adults does not have a clear cut definitive answer. Children raised in exactly the same manner by the same parents in the same household can turn out completely differently. Room has to be left for individuality and the way different people respond to the same influences, so the best answer to this question is a mild, "to a degree."

This doesn't mean that parents should throw up their hands and shirk their responsibility for young children. It is still the parent's responsibility to teach them the skills and standards they will need as adults, guide and nurture them, point them toward the right path and then, hope and pray that they use the tools you have given them to lead as happy and productive a life as possible.

Learn more about this author, Bruce W. Coffman.
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