I was the teenager who believed that I would never be admitted to college. How I came to that determination is a mystery since I was an honor student and was admitted to the National Honor Society my senior year.
I entered a Roman Catholic religious community right out of high school and found myself attending college. There were no entrance exams, simply the expectation that we begin to focus on our professional futures as members of the community. I was my worst enemy by not believing in myself. Although my grades were adequate, I didn't see a college degree in my future.
Upon completion of nursing school, I realized that I needed only to declare a major and complete those required classes in order to earn my BA degree. I attended St. Ambrose College (now a university) and began to believe in myself. I was encouraged by Sr. Annette Walters, CSJ, the head of the psychology department and with whom I lived during my one year at St. Ambrose. Despite my fear of statistics, Jim Colliver encouraged me and once again, I achieved high scores and understanding. In 1975, I graduated with my BA.
About the time of my graduation, I learned that the Episcopal Church was seriously considering the ordination of women to the priesthood. Throughout my youth, I believed that I had been called to be a priest and now, if the Episcopal tradition in word and sacrament, appeared right for me, I might become a priest.
Seminary academically challenged and strengthened me. Although I easily made friends, I was hurt by those students who were opposed to the ordination of women and let the few of us women students know that. Ordination to the priesthood came in 1982 and I have just celebrated my 25th anniversary as a priest.
In 2000, upon the direction of an Ojibwe elder, I began The Indian Burial Assistance Project which offered no cost transportation of the deceased to their reservations for burial. Minneapolis has had a similar project for years, but there are distance restrictions which we abandoned in order to travel to the Dakotas, Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan, Iowa and other states.
During the early years of the project's work, I began to learn how poorly treated economically challenged people tend to be treated at funeral homes. Most of them can't come close to paying the required basic service charge, let alone all of the additional expenses. If local counties pay for funerals/burials, the payments barely touch the prices of most funeral homes meaning that families have relatively no choices in merchandise or services.
I began to spend time with a local funeral director and found that despite his willingness to work with me, he was not willing to reduce his costs my much. He indicated that in order to make a difference, I would need to become a funeral director and probably own my own funeral home.
I am a mixed blood Lakota Indian and my heart goes out to all people who are under financial stress at the time of a death. I began to inquire about the mortuary science program at the University of Minnesota. The director invited me to the program office where he had me view a video tape of embalming. When I finished, he asked, "So, are you ready for us to sign you up?" I quickly responded, "Are you crazy; I wouldn't do THAT to my worst enemy." Six months later, I began mortuary science school!
Fellow morticians were correct in that no one wanted me to work with them and offer reduced prices to anyone. In order to make a difference in the lives of financially compromised people, I took out a home equity mortgage, purchased a building, and converted part of that building into a funeral home. Slowly but surely the word is getting around by "moccasin telegraph" (word of mouth) that we have our own funeral home.
Here, I am able to visit informally with families while making funeral arrangements. I do not wear a black suit, but am most often attired in blue jeans and sport shirt. I don't immediately begin to talk about prices and merchandise. We talk about the deceased and gather information for the death certificate. When formally planning occurs, I first inquire as to the source of payment. If it will be the county, we discuss our options. The funeral home has received several dozen gifts of gravesites at local cemeteries and I happily donate a grave to those who would not be able to pay for one in the cities. If there are tribal funds, we work within the amount given and generally we have money to upgrade a casket to one that is wooden and covered in a veneer. Could the deceased be buried in a basic cloth covered casket that is generally referred to as the "welfare casket?" Yes. But should families not have a choice of caskets and other services? I believe they should and when they come to Oyate Tawicohan Funeral Services (The Way of the People)they do.
I am more honored than proud in having come to this place in my life, ministry and work. Here at the funeral home, family members are invited and welcomed to participate in the care of the deceased. Many family members want to assist in dressing and casketing their loved one. Others are able to set and style the hair. Infants and children often have their mothers and other family members bathe them after embalming. They dress them and if they want to, hold them for a time before the body is placed in the casket. We have a hanging cradle that we offer families of infants for the wake. Family members and I then create a ceremony of the parents and casket bearers placing the body in the casket for the funeral. Our only limitation here is our imaginations.
This is not a money making business by any means. As a member of the ecumenical Order of Servant Franciscans, I am living with and in tangible poverty while being rich in spirit and ministry. I am selling my house and am now living with a Dubuque Franciscan Sister. Material things no longer stand in the way of my reaching out to those in need: the poor, the hungry, the lonely, those in despair and who are grieving. My nursing, priesthood, Franciscan vocation, and funeral director experience have all come together in and through the funeral home and for that I am most grateful.