by Gurmeet Mattu

Created on: August 07, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

If Type A are go-getters and Type B are relaxed the truth is that there is a little of the other in each of us. We, as human beings are not set in stone, and no amount of stereotyping can define precisely what we are. For the two to co-exist in a happy marriage both parties must find common ground and where they encounter problems, learn to adapt to their partner's needs.

Using myself as an example. I am a writer, in one of the most precarious professions known to man, whereas both of my wives have been on structured career paths. The first works in a hospital haematology lab, while the second is a financial book-keeper. It would seem then that I am the ambitious one with the need to express myself, and my wives are of the relaxed easy-going type. The truth is that wife 1 certainly was laid back, but I was far more relaxed and easy going than my second wife. Even with her steady income she tended to fret and worry, whereas I had come to accept and live with life's vagaries. How can this be? Perhaps because I grew older and matured, and learned that I could still strive towards my chosen goals without subjecting myself and my relationships to unnecessary stress.

Did this clash of types lead to the end of both my marriages? It would be foolish to say that it did not, but my contention is that it was not a fundamental cause. The first marriage came too early for both of us and my second wife was in her 40s by the time we wed and had never been married. Too little experience, and too much. The married couple exist in a world which imposes many difficulties on any relationship, and it is how the couple bond and face these difficulties that is important.

If it is true that opposites attract it seems that it is almost necessary for the parties in any relationship to differ significantly. No matter the rise of equal rights, most couples see themselves as having differing roles within a relationship. Perhaps the differences are necessary, to bring the maximum variety of abilities to the relationship so that it may survive and flourish. This may go down to the very biological and genetic level and nothing we can do can change that. Or perhaps we should seek out the truth by analysing successful relationships and seeing how the partners differ. I predict that the most successful will show differences, and that is no bad thing, do we really all need to be the same?

My conclusion, therefore, is this. We are all a mixture of Types A & B, though one element may predominate. But we have the ability to grow, and learn and adapt. Accept what your partner is, there must have been something there to make them seem attractive in the first place. Be prepared to stretch your own personality into their world. What we should strive towards in a relationship is becoming Type C the relaxed go-getter.

Learn more about this author, Gurmeet Mattu.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.