by Kevin Mcinturff

Created on: August 07, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

Marriage between men and women is difficult enough, but factor in different personality types and you have enough variables to keep things mixed up for quite a long time. I am a Type B man married to a Type A woman for 20 years. Type B persons tend to be easier going, unhurried with little regard for deadlines or time. Type A persons are driven, demanding and punctual. So how do you make things work between these two personality types? Looking at some areas on marriage such as communication, time management and social activity I am going to relate what I have found to be true in my marriage and how it may work for yours.

In the area of communication, my wife wants to discuss things in terms of absolutes. Such as, "When will this happen?" or "What are you exactly going to do?" My tendency is to be vague. I usually respond with, "When I get around to it." or "I do not know now, I will figure this out later." Of course, this really irritates my wife. She, being a Type A, wants specific answers to questions so that she can make plans. I do not have a plan, so I give general answers. What I have found out over the years is that I need to think through my answers a litter better and give her more details. She needs to understand that you do not have every little thing written in stone.

Time management consists of her wanting to get things done now such as cleaning the house, or mowing the lawn or taking the kids to the park. I know that these things are important; it is just that I am in no hurry to do them. She says that I am lazy and I say that there is no fire. What works best is to prioritize what needs to be done and then get her to agree with those priorities. So that we both understand what needs to be done now and what can be done later.

Social activity is a little tougher. Both Type A and Type B personalities can either be more people orientated or more task orientated. My wife is more task orientated and I am more people. At parties, I like to spend time talking with others not keeping track of time. My wife likes to come, spend about an hour of time there and then go. I am usually flexible in this area and if I find that she is not having a good time, I leave early, but it sometimes helps if she can find someone engaging to talk to.

Of course, there are many other areas that could be addressed such as sex and money, but that will have to wait until a later time. The best way for Type A and Type B people to get along in a marriage is to understand each other's tendencies and to try to meet in the middle. If this can be done, then a more harmonious marriage can be yours.

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