by Josiah King

Created on: August 07, 2008   Last Updated: August 20, 2008

I wish I could say that vulnerability is easy. But, that would be lying. Speaking from the perspective of a male, I can assure you that vulnerability was not an encouraged thing in childhood. In fact, I was encouraged to behave quite to the opposite. That being an attitude of "suck it up" and "men don't show weakness" the mantra of my upbringing.

I say all of that only to help preface the inherent issues I believe many men encounter in a relationship to the significant lady of their lives. I might also add that I am not speaking from the place of having been there and overcome that mountain, but rather, still climbing it each day. It is still a challenge to me to see my wife get emotional over things that appear to be seemingly insignificant, and not say something like "stop that".

But, let's get to the point. Is it possible for men to be vulnerable, and can there be a creation of a safe environment, in the relationship, for this to happen? The short answer to both is yes. But it does require patience, a commitment to allowing free expression, and taking more of an objective view to the matters being discussed.

Ladies, if you want your man to be open and vulnerable with you, then here are a few things you can do to help in the process.

Let him see your responses to men you see, whether in life or even on TV or movies, who are being vulnerable. Him seeing you be supportive of these actions can help him to realize that you are okay with a man behaving this way in front of you. You can even discuss it, though you must be cautious to not make it seem as though you are trying to push an agenda or he could clam up on you.

When he demonstrates even the slightest acts of vulnerability, recognize it and perhaps even ask a few questions to get him to discuss it more with you. Don't feel the need to nurture and make it better, but let him know you care and are okay with him being open and honest with you. This can and probably will take time.

Allow him to feel free to speak his mind about matters, as long as it doesn't become harmful to you or others. This may require you to put aside your emotions. Realize that there are times in which you too just need to vent, and aren't looking for a solution, but just a caring heart and a sympathetic ear.

Allow him to witness you being open and honest about even the most intimate of things you tend to hold reserved to yourself alone. For example: Letting him know your feelings about someone or something that show your honest, true self.

I am no expert, though I do not know if there is such a person on this earth, but I think that if you try these things you might see some change occur, given time, patience, and understanding. I know it has happened that way for me and my wife. We are not perfect at it, but we are always working on it; sometimes intentionally, and other times unintentionally.

So, women, don't lose hope. Remember the old saying,"Good things come to those who wait".

Learn more about this author, Josiah King.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.