by Shana Baxter

Created on: August 06, 2008

Unfortunately the answer to this question is stay. The easier option for any human is to stay in the situation that they are most comfortable in.

Abuse leads to abuse. It also comes in many forms and fashions. A person living in a verbally abusive home that has not escalated to violence will have a harder time finding help if they chose to leave and need it. Verbal abuse has few symptoms that can be visualized by others, there fore it is often ignored and over looked yet often is the precursor to death by violence.

In trying to leave a violent relationship, especially one that children are involved in, requires more than just "walking away". A victim has a stigma they do not want put on them, the opinions of others are often the last thing a victim needs to hear yet the first thing their friends and acquaintances offer; usually with out empathy or pre-thought in what it takes for one to relocate their life and home.

"Just walking away"

Preplanning for someone to have a violent episode is not possible. It takes years sometimes for the relationship to evolve to the point of physical violence years that the "victim" is groomed and molded to fit the abusers needs. This includes the abuse to the victims self esteem. The fear of failure and being judged by others also prevents a victim from even realizing the abuse sometimes.

Walking away is possible, but staying away takes work. A person wanting to "walk away" must first convince themselves that they have the ability to achieve this goal. Humans need a cheering section and if one is not available then this goal is often beyond any possible reach.

If a victim gets to the point that they feel they can make this achievement they must find a safe place to run too. One they can afford to live in and feel secure. Usually the victim has limited availability to the funds it requires to achieve this goal but if they make it this far the abuser is either in jail, another area, or has switched from violence for control to another means, often leading to a honeymoon period where the victim forgives and falls back to the easier already known life style.

Remaking ones life is not as easy as people want to think. Remaking ones life with the constant threat of being pursued makes that job even harder. Lack of friends and family that are supportive make it almost impossible for the victim to remain on their own. If children are involved in these issues, attorneys and court hearings become and issue, which require addresses and phone numbers that often get back into the hands of the abuser. There are many things to be considered that often are not apparent to people on the outside of an abusive relationship.

So unfortunately it is easier for a victim to stay in an abusive situation. Easier than finding the support system, the money, the home, and the courage to remake an entire life change; A psychological make up and a social stigma that is hard to shake and will haunt one for years to come. What is learned in a day takes years to unlearn.

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