by Alexandra Heep

Created on: August 06, 2008   Last Updated: March 03, 2011

Life seems to function best when things are kept in balance. There are always two options: yes or no, left or right, up or down, forwards or backwards, etc. Often people will justify actions by saying "I had no choice." What they really mean is they don't like the consequences of one option, so they chose the one that seems to have the more positive (less negative) consequences.

How does this concept apply to early childhood development? Young children are constantly exposed to being told no, even though it's in their best interest, i.e. to protect them from harm. For example, if a toddler wanders towards the stove, the immediate reaction of the parent or caregiver is to shout "no" and to remove him from the area. The adults know it is done to protect him from getting burnt, but the child does not know this yet.

They are also exposed to barriers of all sorts, again to protect them from harm. For example, gates are put up around stairs, so a toddler can't harm himself falling until he develops sufficient motor skills to handle stairs. Again, he can't reason this out - all he knows he is exploring - because this is how he learns and needs to develop - and suddenly comes across a barrier.

Where many adults make mistakes is that since young children can't verbalize their feelings and thoughts yet by using words, parents simply assume the children have none to share, until the child throws a tantrum. Often, when the young child does something correctly, he tends to get overlooked.

However, with a constant exposure to barriers and a barrage of the negative word no, young children need positive experiences to balance the frustrations they encounter by what they perceive as restrictions. What better way to give them this balance by rewarding them when they do something right?

The reason the awards need to be immediate is because of the short attention spans in young children. Without being taught, they can't yet make the connection between action and consequence in the future, as they can only focus on a limited time frame - the present.

While children will learn consequences eventually, as they grow older, if you don't start rewarding them for positive behavior early on they can get a one-sided view of life. They can learn that only what they perceive as negative behavior will get a reaction out of the people around them.

This can lead to a pattern of relying on negative behavior to get attention, possibly all the way into adulthood, if people lack positive encouragement, perhaps in the form of rewards, later on as well. The longer adults wait to notice and reward children when they behave appropriately, the harder it will be to undo the damage later on.

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