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talking girl talk with my girlfriends about cheating and how I stopped messing with my crush, because it wasn't right and what not to tolerate and I'm still doing it.

My next day at work, I listened to the Wendy Williams show again and I'll be damn if they didn't touch that same subject again. The jump off, and she spoke of a girl who found out about her husband's jump off and brought her girlfriends to the girl's apartment and how patiently they waited for her to come home and beat her up badly. My mind started wandering, with the internet these days it's easy to find someone. I know I found someone using the whitepages.com reverse phone look up. I did a search for myself and sure enough you can find me easy. And at my place of employment I am the only one with my name. My paranoia started to grow some more. I don't know how much she knows about me.

One day I was having lunch with one of my girlfriend's. While talking to her, I'm hearing myself talk, the whole reason I did what I did is because I was having trust issues with men. I've been so scarred from my high school relationship that no matter how I move on there's a part of me that will think that a man is going to do harm right from the beginning. That is a terrible way to start things off. Now I know my problem and now I must confront it some how and get it worked out because I may loose another guy who's important to me.

Not only that the title jump off' doesn't sound attractive. It doesn't pay to be a jump off. I'm a true believer of karma. Something may happen to you that cannot be undone. That's not something I am willing to live with.

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