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Once a divorce is decided don't beat yourself up about it anymore, basically it is gone, over. You now have to help your children get through it. It sounds harsh but this is the truth of it. For a happier life for everyone don't think about what could have been or who is to blame. Try to look forward and don't go over and over the events that have led up to the divorce. Easier said than done (almost impossible) but highly important.

Teenagers as everybody knows are full of insecurites about themselves and even if they appear the opposite they will feel it is their fault in some way for the break up of their parents and if not may feel incredible sadness, shock or even releif. All are these things are highly emothional and draing feelings.
It must be made very clear to them they still have their 'parents' there for them even though they cannot be together.
The worst thing that can happen is when a teeneager feels they have to take sides and that pressure is enormous. They need to be kept out of the often highly personal details of their parents relationship no matter how hurt or alone one spouse feels. Obviously questions should be dealt with openly and honestly by the parents but a teenager should never be the sounding board for one discruntled spouse (that is what friends or counsellers are for)
Children love both their parents and will want more than anything to keep positive relationships with both, children always want to plese their perents and that why they may feel guilty for spending time with one and not the other. No matter how much it hurts the mother or father should be happy when quality time is spent with either, jealousies should be put aside and the child emotional stability is paramount.
Yes everybosy says their childs happiness is of the upmost importance but in the tangled web of divorce(which may even be the best decision for some couples) and the hurt, blame and complications of it children especially teenage children should should be having a little pressure as possible and the goal of the parents should be self esteem building. Teenagers have a difficult time anyway so when there is a family break up lets rememeber though they are still the 'child' of the broken relationship.

Learn more about this author, Vicky R.
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