by Christina Good Voice

Created on: August 05, 2008   Last Updated: March 29, 2012

Heartwrenching is the best word I can use to describe the feelings a new mother and father will experience after having a preterm baby. In our case, my husband and I had to cope with the stress and all the feelings of having two preemies.

Our twins were born at 32 weeks after nearly two months of off and on contractions, preterm labor and steroid shots to mature their lungs. We thought we were emotionally and mentally prepared to cope with all the feelings and emotions after they were born. We were wrong. I felt like my heart was breaking when they were whisked away to the neonatal intensive care unit immediately after they were pulled from my stomach during the c-section.

I didn't even get to touch them. They briefly held them next to my head so I could at least see them, but I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions at seeing my first children and also realizing they were so tiny they looked like baby dolls. Their dad was able to push one in the baby bed to the NICU, but then he was stopped at the door while they got them stablized.

I had to wait two whole days to see them, thanks to the c-section, catheter and inability to walk. I cried each day I couldn't see them and even though the nursing staff brought me a Polaroid of each baby, it didn't help because they were covered in tape, tubes and small, sticky 'leads' for the monitors. On the third day my husband was able to wheel me upstairs to the NICU, but all we could do was touch their tiny hands. Their miniature hands were able to wrap completely around the top section of my index finger, and their skin was red and paper thin.

They had tubes going down their noses and had tiny cloth goggles on since they were also jaundiced and under the bili-lights. Their preemie diapers were stil big on them so they were rolled up and the tape strips overlapped each other. Their cries sounded fake, like they were dolls.

Their father and I stood next to each one of them and whispered our 'I love yous' to them over and over, and how we couldn't wait to take them home. Then we'd stand there in each others arms and cry.

Our stress was compounded times two, and it was a hard month for us since they were in the NICU for that long.

We'd sometimes try to argue because we were so stressed out about everything.

We visited them every day for hours on end, and when the NICU was closed to parents, we'd go on walks or sit and talk and plan for our babies when they were able to come home.

It wasn't easy. There really is no way to prepare for a premature baby because you aren't ready for the flood of emotions.

The only thing you can do is hope and wait for the baby to get better and come home. And rely on your spouse or significant other, because without them, it'll make it that much harder.

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