by Author Name Withheld 145

Created on: August 04, 2008

Jerry Seinfeld had an old stand-up bit he did about respecting Chinese people because they use chopsticks. It went something like this:

"I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people. They're hanging in there with the chopsticks. You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks. I don't know how they missed it. Going out all day on the farm with a shovel. Come on. Shovel. Spoon. You're not plowing 50 acres with a couple of pool cues."

Disregarding the fact that Jerry Seinfeld is a horrible actor, his hit show was about nothing, and he's got a weird looking face, he does have a point. The spoon is a basic object, fundamental to society. It is an important utensil which has been around for centuries (not just the noun, but the verb, I might add).

However, its significance is dwarfed by another monumental development in the cutlery world.

The Spork.

For an intelligent - but most certainly inaccurate - history of the spork, go to your local wikipedia site. My intention is not to bore you with details of the making of this modern miracle, but to expand upon its grandeur. If you want to fully grasp the impact of the spork, read on my dear friend. Read on.

Never before in the history of man have two objects in such stark contrast been blended so well with each other. Not only in functionality, but in name. The word "spork" - a perfect combination of "spoon" and "fork" - flows so effortlessly off the tongue, it is obviously the utensil used by the gods.

Anyone who has been camping or to KFC (or in prison) has experienced this wonderful hybrid of use - able to scoop up the last drops of soup, as well as to stab those delicious vegetables. A true man needs no other eating implement.

In recent years, others have been inspired by the spork and attempted to create similar combinations of otherwise incompatible objects. And while they were well-intentioned, success evaded.

A camera phone becomes a camera that takes lousy pictures and a phone that doesn't work properly. The WNBA - combining two things that, in and of themselves, are fine - results in a slow-paced, sissy, cry fest. Brangelina - who individually were at the tops of their games - have become a subservient husband and a homewrecker, respectively.

No, not since that perfect union of left- and right-handed utensils has any amount of synergy been found. Attempts have been made - and will most assuredly continue to be made - but almost certainly never duplicated.

So, the only question left to answer is: The Spork. Great invention? Or greatest invention?

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