by Bruce W. Coffman

Created on: August 04, 2008   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

Being gay and receiving acceptance begins with respecting yourself. If you accept and respect yourself and are comfortable with your sexuality, you will probably find that a need for acceptance for being gay is much less important than a need for simply being respected as an individual.

Growing up gay in a small town in the middle of the Bible belt, I had a major struggle with this issue for many years. It was extremely disturbing to me to think that my family and friends would not accept me if they knew I was gay. Like many young people in similar situations, I just refused to face it. I didn't necessarily go out of my way to pretend I wasn't gay, but I certainly didn't want anyone to know.

The first few times I "came out" to family members and close friends I was so nervous I thought I was going to die. I found that, overall, people were much more accepting and supportive than I had ever imagined they could be and this made things a lot easier. However, there were those negative reactions and I had one very close friend who said he really liked me but it was unfortunate that I was going to Hell. I have a brother who doesn't speak to or acknowledge me.

Though those negative reactions hurt me for a long time, wisdom and age have helped me overcome a lot of the issues of being gay and seeking acceptance. It's not something I feel a need to broadcast because I feel it is my own personal business, but I do always make sure someone I become close to knows it. To me, that's part of the screening process for a potential good friend. If they have a problem with it, I respect that and move on, but they are not going to become close to me if they can't respect and accept me.

The main thing to keep in mind for gay people, especially young gay people who don't have a mentor or a positive gay role model, is that being gay is only one part of who you are. It is not WHAT you are. There is so much that makes you a unique and valuable person and there is a reason that you exist. Concentrate on finding that reason and purpose and respecting and liking yourself first. This will show to other people through your self confidence and your personality. Let people get to know you and decide what parts of your personal business you want to share with them later on. Never, however, accept someone putting you down or mistreating you because you are gay. You are so much more than that!

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