by Clarkson Wroe

Created on: August 04, 2008   Last Updated: August 05, 2008

My very good friend Fat Al is a man who possesses the rare quality of self promotion' without really annoying people. Well not all people anyway.

I used to go every year with him on golf tour to his native Scotland usually with Spicer and the wealthy Offenbach. The latter would spend each evening of the trip vacating hotel rooms because none came up to his stringent requirements whilst the other three of us pushed Scotland nearer financial independence by copiously supporting their whisky industry.

Fat Al, who acquired this nickname because he is fat and called Al, decided it would be an incentive if we had something, other than the unseemly sums of money bet on the outcome of each hole, to play for. He therefore purchased a trophy and after much debate about what name the prize should bear it was decided to call it the Average Yorkshire Golfers on Tour Trophy'. The engravers however made an absolute cock up with the wording and it duly arrived back bearing the inscription of Alvin K Putton Cup' which coincidentally is Fat Al's name.

Undeterred by this unfortunate and unexplained mix-up we transported this piece of silverware with us year after year the length and breadth of Scotland. In the early days Al, who is self taught in the art of golf, but has been playing since toddler hood without recourse to changing his 24 handicap, walked away with the cup bearing his name. He gave long, immodest and sometimes largely incoherent, dependant upon the quantities of Glenfiddich consumed, acceptance speeches at the tours conclusion, often to the amazement of the other diners in the Asian Spice House' in Perth.

As time progressed and Offenbach's 75000 per annum expenditure on golf lessons began to take affect Fat Al's hold on his trophy came under pressure. He decided that in the interest of variety and to freshen things up then the cup should not be given for merely winning the overall tour but for acts of skill during the course of the matches. Thus over the coming years he managed to retain the prize for The best recovery shot from behind a tree', The best recovery shot from under a bush' and The best recovery shot from off the beach'.

I have to admit that on one occasion I did secure the money bet on each hole when registering a somewhat dubious longest drive. The other three all hit either out of bounds or into the rough whereas I topped my shot which rolled thirty yards under a bridge, my second shot was unplayable, but upon rigorous examination of the course map

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