by Annie Eitman

Created on: August 04, 2008

Single parents cut right to the chase - "I have children. Should you survive this relationship, the best you can hope for is 2nd place in my heart. If you agree to these terms, sign here. If not, don't let the doorknob hit you on the way out."

We find amazing ways to be efficient in dating. While most singles lure their dates into a relationship, downplaying weaknesses until later, many parents throw their foibles right out front. They don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't get who they are.

I'm a single parent. My kids are terrific. It will take a super guy to keep up with us. In the meantime, we're not waiting around. Here's a true story of me and my boys separating the dating wheat from the chaff:

In an effort to release some of the sugarized energy buzzing from my two sons as they thinned their herd of chocolate Easter bunnies, we went to Legoland, a pleasant theme park consisting of tiny blocks, tiny European humor, and the requisite tiny screechy children. I honestly do like going there. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone to watch my kids so I had to take them with me.

After hiking 87.3 miles and consuming approximately 23 odd snacks and beverages in even odder containers, we eventually found ourselves manning a water cannon in the Pirate Shores area. We were a mutinous bunch of landlubbers for "Splash Battle," lying in wait for the evil pirate tourists cruising by in fierce, plastic pirate ships.

In our crew, one person pumped the water, another aimed the cannon at passing pirate ships (also armed with water cannon), while the 3rd person (me) discovered that if you cover the mouth of the water cannon and let go at just the right time, you could pressurize it enough to really hammer the poor slobs in the pirate ships. If you must attend a theme park, the aggression that builds up waiting 45 minutes for a two-minute ride has to vent somewhere, so I highly recommend the opportunity to splatter complete strangers with icy cold water. Har, mateys.

It was incredibly loud and chaotic, so of course my phone rang and, distracted Captain/Mom that I am, I answered it. Ever answer your cell phone during a siege? Of course not - you know better.

Me: Hello?

Steve: Hi, it's Steve.

Me: Which Steve?

Steve: Um, how many Steves do you know?

Me(now knowing that this is the Steve who's sensitive about how many Steves I know): Can I call you back? We're marauding at the moment.

Steve: What?

Me(to my son): Hold your fire, hold your fire! Wait 'til they're closer!

Steve: Is this a bad time?

Me: Actually, it's quite fun. (to my other son) Watch your back - aaagh!

Steve: Are you ok?

Me: Never been better. (to my crew) INCOMING AT SIX O'CLOCK! FIRE! FIRE!

Steve: Would you like to go to dinner Saturday night?

Me: Friday's better for me. (to crew) FIRE, DANGIT! Sheesh, that little blonde girl is kicking our butts!

Steve: Fridays are tough for me...

Me: I'M HIT! GET HER MOM, BOYS - FIRE AT HER MOM! Ooops, sorry for yelling Steve. I gotta call you back.

Dinner date is for Friday. Whether he shivers my timbers is yet to be decided. He'd just better try to keep up or he'll be walkin' the plank.

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