by Brenda Beightol

Created on: August 03, 2008   Last Updated: August 04, 2008

Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror this morning, I finally realized that there is no longer anyone attached to my apron strings. I'm not sure when they left, one by one, or all at the same time. The fact is that they are no longer there. I held on to my end of the apron strings even though I could feel no tension at the other end. Not knowing how to put them down,or perhaps I thought they may need to pick them up again, the apron strings laid limply exposed until they shriveled up and died. Today, I know there is no longer life in the apron strings, so I gently lay them down.

Suddenly I realize, in freeing them, I free myself. Our relationships now are different. Different doesn't mean good or bad, it simply means different. Now, without the apron strings I can move about freely in my mind, without distractions, in any direction I choose. It feels good and sad at the same time. The truth is, my friend, apron strings are meant to be severed by all who are attached. That's the way it's meant to be. Life continues to teach, it's up to the student to learn. Treat yourself well! Indulge yourself! Remember all the things you've always wanted to do. Now is the time. You have earned it,and you deserve the best. In reality, you really are your own best friend. Only allow into your life those who will compliment it; you can complicate it all by yourself.

I remember the time when I looked into the bathroom mirror and thought; "Each day that I awake to this nightmare of my life, I wonder if I'll make it, the stress and all this strife. The make - up monastary, the ultimate disguise, to cover on the outside so no one can see inside." Now, that my job is done, I look back and smile, "Good job, my friend, good job!"

My mom, God rest her soul, took her apron strings to the grave. She simply didn/t know how to lay them down. I think it was because she was so afraid to be alone. Even so, in the end, what she dreaded most finally found her. She needed so badly to be "attached." But solitude becomes me, so being alone is a welcomed companion. I love the quiet times allotted to me, I guard them above all else. I resist intrusions because I am my own best council, I am gentle to me, and understand myself completely. It's nice to have the care and affection of others, but it really isn't required. I enjoy being free to think my own thoughts, to reach my own conclusions, and to just be me. And..by the way, I allow others those same freedoms too. Solitude becomes me.

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