by Mary Norman

Created on: August 03, 2008

I have a good life. It's not perfect, but it's pleasant, calm, laid-back. This is how I like it. It wasn't always this way and it isn't because I am just "lucky"; it's because I choose to live my life this way. I believe in the Value of People, the Value of Love- not the mushy stuff that is limited to romance; but the love of people in general. The simplicity of knowing that another human being has a real live connection to you; that those who are in your life now or who used to be in your life at one time provide value. They allow you to teach to and to learn from- they are like you but different.

It took me many years to realize that my personality style is one that can be easily taken advantage of by more dominant styles. I grew tired of being the one people always came to with their problems. I grew tired of being the calm, rational, diplomatic one. I grew tired of being manipulated into feeling bad for people who's own choices got them in the mess they were in. I grew tired of being shocked by other people's behavior.

Since then I've learned how to encourage healthy relationships with those that can appreciate and not take advantage of my natural inclination to please, help, etc. As a "fixer", I still try and help those that don't want or can't get past their own emotions, but if they aren't willing, I move on. That doesn't mean I decide to hate them or never speak to them again. It means I distance myself and let God take care of the rest. I'm almost 40 now and this still takes a conscious effort- but I am getting better at it. And that's okay.

Don't misunderstand me- I am not a victim. I understand that we are the one's who allow people to treat us badly. And in all fairness, there are very few people in my life who have. Most of the people, past and present, that I have known are good people. I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. I believe that those same people take on different levels of importance in our lives, like the ebb and flow of the tide- it's okay, even expected. I believe that those who were a big part of my day-to-day life yesterday are no less important in my life today. Our shared experiences still influence who I am, and for that I am thankful.

People change, circumstances change, relationships change. Change is the only thing that is constant. It's okay that I don't talk to my very first best friend every day. It's okay that some people have passed through my life then drifted away, and it's perfectly fine that someone I was close to a decade or even a year ago has faded to the background.

The simplicity of relating to another human being is an opportunity for each of us- we all give and take from each other whether we realize it or not. A stranger's polite smile as I am thinking about the latest news crisis may be just enough to put my faith back into humanity. That stranger "gave" to me. It's really that simple.we are all connected. Each of us must choose to see the beauty in the way our lives interact with others and understand that in everything, there is a bigger picture- even if we can't see it.

Refuse to be a victim. Refuse to embrace selfishness as independence. Refuse to be drawn into unnecessary drama. Refuse to give in to negative emotion.

Choose to value your experiences and the people who have touched your life. Choose to treat others as you wish to be treated. Choose to accept change. Choose to live.

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