by Lynette Alice

Created on: August 03, 2008   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

When I think of being gay and being accepted I tend to think of the future. That certainly isn't to say there aren't people who accpet me as I am without reservation. For the most part, at least to my face people tend to be reluctant to not at least act accepting. In all honesty most folks are genuine, however there is a group of people that confuses me to no end when I reflect on my acceptane in regards to being gay.

The people that confuse me aren't those whom are just flat out against it or those whom are anti-gay as a blanket generalization, it is the people I encounter that are accepting with conditions. It's a phenomena I know we all face at some time but it makes it no less puzzling to me. Very recently I had a discussion concerning politics and the upcoming elections. This particular person said something to the effect of I like and supposrt you as a person and I'm all for equality, but you don't deserve to be allowed to get married to your partner. A civil union maybe, but marriage is certainly not something you should be allowed.

This puzzles me in that on one hand this person seemingly likes me, supports my right to be treated equally, and supports my being an individual until it reaches a line in the sand. This was a person of course with a divorce behind her, past problems with drug addiction, and a general history that is tough to find redeeming quality in before applying the ecclesiastical white out to her life that blotted out her errors. As expected I asked how she could even think to say she believes she is supportive and accepting when she would deny me something so basic as marriage, an institution we should all enjoy equally?

To make a long story short she claimed being homosexual is fine it is the sex part of it that is wrong. Therefore she accpets me being gay so long as I don't have sex with my partner of fourteen years. That in her eyes makes marriage wrong as that would be encouraging and legitimizing my sex life which she has been established as wrong, or more accurately in her words sinful. I ask is that acceptance?

It isn't just there, I encounter the same attitude with great regularity and it doesn't just regard that single issue. I've heard for nearly fourteen years people tell me they accept me as I am but I shouldn't be a parent as that is unfair to my daughter. I am accepted but why do I have to be so vocal about wanting equal rights? I am accepted but why do I have to be so gay? Whatever that means. I am accpeted but my "lifestyle" (lesbianisim is in their minds a lifestyle choice) is not.

I do concede that for the most part I find more and more people accepting of me as the years pass. Generally these are younger people that have grown up with homosexuality not being something considered taboo or abnormal but rather just a part of life. For that I'm thankful because it does tell me times are changing, however it still doesn't change the fact that all too often my acceptance isn't tied to what type of contribution I make to society or that I lead a productive law abiding life, or that I help others and treat people in a compassionate manner I hope to see in return.

All too often it comes down to a judgement being made on me being a lesbian and that carrying for many a negative attribute. Acceptance as a person is always nice, but acceptance with conditions I can do without. That is a form of acceptance which says little more to me than I have the right to exchange arbon dioxide, I have the right to carry my share of the societal load, but I don't have the right to be equal. If that is acceptance I can do without it. At least I can cnsole myself by knowing that to the people in my life that matter, I am accepted in whole as is.

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