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A lost love, or a choice made you decide.

Been a time since I last wrote something here, in my journal, And now there is so much more to think about. A whole novel can be formatted with the conversations tonight on the phone. For now I will just start where it began.

Today I started to really think about the situation with some clarity, this relationship I am in. The fact that I am here and the plan that I travel back to California to stay a couple of months and get my affairs in order, then return to Ohio to stay for awhile. Seemed sound and fair, in the first conversations about that distinct set of possibilities, all was good until we started getting more involved in the plans for the future. The chance of me coming here to stay in Cincinnati, and marriage and all the storybook, once upon a times and the happily ever afters you could possibly ask for in an ideal world. To be honest some of that surprised me, I figured I just come stay for a bit and return to only leave again afterwards. And Richell, a girl you could say I was serious about more so then Sue the one I was going to visit. Her visit was planned and in the works she was expected to arrive in March it was January when I wrote this sitting in an airport waiting and ponderin!

g. A wonderful girl from Island of Cebu in the Philippines. I cared for her very much and when I think about it I wonder if it was mutual.

The middle of the month was my expected arrival date in Cincinnati. The plan was, when I made the decision to see Sue, I would leave from San Francisco Airport about Mid January and stay for a couple of months at which time I would return to California to keep things in order then return back to stay for an undefined time back in Cincinnati.

That of course, is not really the point. The situation has become a bit more complex. I have met her family, her friends and wonder what is expected as little has been said to make it more clear. In some regards, I was not clued in. In all the words exchanged, there were certainly pleasantries, but I could not decipher immediately what may of been between the lines, no hints and I surely was looking for them an astute observer I can be but body language can be cryptic. I will not go into the what ifs, the should a, could a, or would a, each alone can have its own volume, instead I need to write out the conflict of interest.

As it stands I plan to return to California and she offered to pay the bill, even though she also paid the ticket for my travel there,

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