by Heidi Jame

Created on: August 02, 2008

Fruit+Pooping=SexyDiscoDolly

Fruit. Simply perfect. If you want to lose weight without feeling hungry, fruit is your best friend. Not only is it packed with appetite curbing fiber and natural sugars that tame that beastly sweet tooth, it has vitamins up the bamboozle! That is maybe not the most scientific way to describe the nutritional benefits of including fruit in your daily diet endeavors but you get the idea. And if you like to poop you are in for a double treat. Fruit does that too! And pooping is essential to losing weight because if you don't poop, your food cant escape the terrifying maze that is your colon! I am no expert, nor am I qualified to suggest anything for anyone and I am not to be held liable for doing so, but regardless, I would prescribe 8 pounds of fruit per day to achieve maximum excretion. If you find you aren't defecating as much as you hoped to be then just add a couple of pounds of fruit to your daily caloric intake and I am sure you will be making hourly potty trips in no time.

But fruit has benefits other than making you go number two frequently. Eating fruit any time of day is a great diet strategy, like when you need an afternoon snack to boost your energy. Don't reach for a granola bar or a bag of chips. Go for the apple, orange, grapes, banana, kiwi, mango, melon or whatever kind of fruit floats your silly little boat! Fruit is a snack you can enjoy without the guilt that accompanies other sweet treats because it is just paying you a visit. To fruit, you are nothing more than a $2 ride at the carnival. It just wants to get in you, see the sights, and then scram out the back door because it is dark, and scary, and musty in there. But on the way, fruit will shoo out the hoodlums that have been loitering around the sidelines and scaring passersby for fun.
I know what your thinking, "I'm a man or something, and I need my meat and potatoes." But before you beat up on fruit, consider this: Meat and Potatoes don't come in enough colors. Therefore they question their sexuality and wear drab colors to dispel rumors. Fruit is colorful because he's a real man and he doesn't have to act tough to be tough. He has antioxidants!
And fruit's not just a snack food kids! Have it instead of your cereal in the morning, just be sure to eat more than a small apple, that's totally lame. One of my favorite breakfasts is half a cantaloupe with red and green seedless grapes in the middle. Then I power that down with a banana, strawberry, grape and orange juice smoothie. Then I feel like dancing! So I DO! And fruit is not only fun, it's pretty and if your food looks pretty, you feel pretty! Oatmeal is for ugly people so forget about that crap.
So if you want to drop pounds while satisfying your sweet tooth, dancing around the kitchen to bad disco whilst looking sexy as hell, and treating your body to a fiber and nutrient rich meal so you can poop out the bad stuff and tack on the good stuff, eat your fruit! It's waaaay better than coke!

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