by Mick Marten

Created on: August 02, 2008

When trying to answer the questions "when and why do marriages go bad", you have to admit, that depends on the marriage. Some marriages don't go bad, and some do; these days most do.

Only fifty-nine percent of the U.S. population is currently married (down from seventy-two percent in the nineteen-seventies), and the median duration for a "first marriage" (it's a shame that term even exists) is about seven and nine tenths years, while the median age for getting married pushes ever closer to thirty years old.

So, what does all of this mean? Your guess is as good as mine. However, since I'm the one who has the floor at the moment, I'll share with you what I think, and I think this whole problem cooks down to a very simple problem or two.

First of all, as any thoughtful person knows, marriage, like any other relationship, including those with friends, relatives, siblings, and co-workers, takes work and maintenance. There are rules and guidelines that we all know, and then there are more esoteric demands that aren't so easy to get 'locked onto'.

I got married at twenty-three years old. Most of my peers who married so young found themselves single again in not too many years. My wife and I, however, have weathered what will be nineteen years come springtime.

How did we manage such a feat? I guess I will attempt an explanation; at the same time, I will also try to answer the question this topic poses, at least in part.

First of all, my wife and I were both raised to believe that marriage was very important. Our families both frowned on shacking up' and believed that marriage was the only proper path to sexual relationships. It is not so much the literal practice of these values that hold the key, I think, but in the attitude that marriage is just so important. There is a difference in attitude that comes with holding marriage in such high esteem. One doesn't just play at it. It is an institution reserved for serious, mature adults.

My wife and I had our first date six years before we were married, where most folks count only months, and some just weeks. When we tied the knot, we knew each other very well, and our relationship had already withstood the first few tests, and seemed seaworthy. This is paramount to a successful marriage. I've heard it said that most divorces occur over infidelity or money (love and money; the usual suspects). If only people didn't rush headlong into marriage; let a few of these speed bumps pass first and determine what your partner, and you,

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