by J Mock

Created on: August 02, 2008   Last Updated: January 14, 2010

In theory, you should only allow a person into your inner circle of close family, friends and associates if they act in a manner that does not incur a detrimental effect upon your own mental and physical wellbeing, but the theory cannot always be projected into reality. There are certain instances in life that require contact with another individual, even though they cause a level of distress, be it through verbal or physical actions.

Friendship and personal contact with any individual should only be on the condition that the person accepts who you are, and who would refrain from using physical or mental abuse to undermine your emotional health. You should not have to endure detrimental contact, either in a one-on-one situation or within a group of people.

If an individual has a difficult relationship with one of their own parents, for example the father, it may prove difficult, or even impossible, to cease contact due to the relationship with their mother. Even if one parent understands, and accepts, that the other parent is causing emotional upset, it can feel as if you have to endure the criticism in order to remain in close contact. It can procure a feeling of being trapped within a vicious circle of mixed emotions; facing pain in order to be close to another person to whom you feel love and respect.

To have a difficult relationship with any family member can bring with it an agonizing decision. Many questions revolve within the mind concerning the additional affects of the impending decision. Do you cut off all contact, and will other family members understand your reasoning? Will this action cause an unsettling atmosphere between other members of the family? Will other members of the family take a side, and refuse contact with you, because of your refusal upon another?

It can often feel like there is no ''happy'' solution. Whichever choice you ultimately decide upon, the outcome can lead to another situation that may cause additional emotional distress. But sometimes, it is necessary to completely cease contact with the family, in order to ''break free,'' and to be able to live your life without the associated conflict. As the saying goes, ''You can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.'' Sometimes it is necessary to take the good with the bad, even though in an ideal world we would only be with people that we have chosen to be with.

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